September 29

I Believe in hope

I believe in hope

 

I believe that at the end of each tunnel no matter how painful or grueling the trail maybe there will always be a light at the end of it.

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I always  believed in hope because every time I would watch a movie or read a book I always believed that the hero would win; I always had that hope inside of me but sometimes when you are faced against the odds when you, just you are battling against an army you begin to lose hope and you start to destroy yourself.

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When I was in the 7th grade I was mainly an introvert who never really opened up and never really wanted to open up I just didn’t talk to many people I did have some friends, like three of them, but even they were not close enough to know me really well. For me, everything was going well in life however not so well in my cousins. My uncle had an alcohol problem he was addicted to it. He would spend his time in the basement ignoring his family and just drank all the problems away. This was getting way out of hand so on the 4th of December just before Christmas we all sat down together and we talked it out and asked him what was bothering him he said nothing really but work was bothering, we asked why and he just said long hours.I was confused and lost why would he be addicted to alcohol from work? That just didn’t add up. My uncle, before all of his drinking, was a good guy he always knew how to lighten up the mood and cheer up people when times were rough now the tables have turned and now he is dealing with a rough patch in his life I was hopeful that one day he was going to go to rehab and get better or just get better on his own however weeks turned into months and nothing was the same, this time it was getting to the point where he would just drink raw alcohol from the bottle he thought that the liquor was going to save him. One night at 1am in the morning half of his body functions shut down and he was rushed to the hospital thank god he was ok but he had to spent about a week in the hospital. His wife and kids were also getting affected by what was happening and his wife fell ill my dad being her brother had to spend many nights at my uncles household taking care of his sister, my grandma would also come in and help occasionally which meant half of my family was outside the house. I was losing hope, I was fearful that either my uncle has caused permanent damage to himself or even worse I was thinking about him passing and things got, even more, worse around 12am in the night my dad was driving back from work and got into an accident which broke his arm and fractured his collarbone he was bedridden for about five to six months through this time my mom started to feel overworked and fatigued and at times she didn’t want to wake up. I and my brother had to step up and we started to help with the business and still went to school. We both began to feel ourselves get overworked. I began to sleep more after school which was bad because I wouldn’t get any homework done or study ahead in what I learned and I started to fall behind in my class and the same thing happened for my brother. We were in a dark hole that we were just digging deeper it felt like we cannot do anything soon after the new year came along and we were in the lowest point of our life but I didn’t give up, I always kept a smile on my face and believed in hope I believed that one day my dad will get better, I believed that my uncle will get rid of his addiction, I believed that whatever dark cloud was over my family would go away and we will embrace each other in the sunlight. At first, it was slow but change began slowly and then gradual my dad got better and he began to work so that I and my brother can focus on school, my uncle was still addicted to the liquor however during summertime he went to a rehabilitation center which made him stop drinking completely. This is why I tell people to believe in hope because change is slow and the road will be long but if you believe in it, it will happen.  

September 28

Self Love

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I believe in self-love.

I believe in putting yourself before anyone else.

When you put someone else’s happiness above yours mostly you end up hurt. I feel that some people have this false mindset that if you’re in a relationship, your life will tend to be automatically more enjoyable. Many friendships at my age can be challenging, even slightly confusing and scary at times. Feeling can be one-sided and you won’t know who to truly trust. You can be telling people so-called “friends” secrets that they know shouldn’t be spoken and they’d go around telling other people and continue to say things like “you didn’t say not to tell anyone”. 

When you allow your friends to talk to you in a way that could be considered bullying, the only person you are truly hurting is yourself. I’ve been through these stages in my life before. A few years ago I surround myself with a bunch of amazing friends who valued my friendship just as much I valued theirs. I completely appreciated our friendship until they started to become anxious about themselves and started to do what other people around them were doing to fit in such as, dress more trendy, act in such ways that was considered bullying, hurting other individuals, thinking they were better than people around them. However, I was mature enough to realize that my friends weren’t the same so I chose to separate myself from that crowd so I could become the person I wanted to be. Yes that was a huge conflict in my life because I was losing people who I thought were my friends but at that time I knew if I do what they did I would become someone I don’t truly admire. I was devastated for like a month or two but I came to a realization that you have to make sacrifices in life, and at the same time I understood that I shouldn’t be that hurt because they became people who no longer were my friends, people who I no longer was entrusted in engaging with. I slowly became self-aware and dropped the negativity from my life stopped letting the thought of that get to me. It was hard for me to do that because I wanted to believe that they were good people that respected me as a peer but you can’t force the way others see you. I learnt that the hard way.  I told myself that the only thing that truly matters, is how I viewed myself. Having this mindset is how I found a friend that I could trust. I knew that she was always looking out for me, as I did for her. Having an important and strong friendship can have such lasting impacts on your health and the way you see yourself.

Now, I respect myself enough to not compare myself with people that I feel don’t appreciate me because that is the way I avoid toxic relations in my life.

I have now realized that not everyone deserves my loyalty and respect, only those who love me for me.

If it hadn’t been for my personal growth towards learning to love myself, perhaps I would not be the person I am now. I am grateful for the positive people I am surrounded by. I hope that as time goes by I can help people who are suck un the same situation as I was, I am now aware that my value does not decrease due to a person’s inability to see my worth. I do not let the words of people who are irrelevant to my life humble me because I recognize my importance. I look forward to continue building my character to develop the best version of myself to live a healthy and happy life.

I do not need from others to approve who I am, I believe in myself.

September 28

The True Face Of Karma

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I believe in payback.
I believe in kismet.

Most of all, I believe karma is a big slap in your face. Karma will go around to every individual, it doesn’t matter on what someones reputation  is in society, what economy class they’re in or the powers one holds, she’s like a black snake slithering around to give the next individual it’s medicine. She goes two ways, though she has a reward for the good individuals and a poisonous medicine for the bad individuals.

“So, it’s up to you what your next move is because, no matter where you are, Karma follows.”

Karma is never held back or forgets your savage deeds, she just waits very patiently and comes out when she feels it’s the right timing, and when she does come so unexpectedly, that’s when she bites you so hard that one realizes they’ve messed up somewhere in life. Being able to realize Karma is like a gift, because when you know she exists, you’ll tend to do more good deeds than grievance. It helps you break through the consequences you might have to face for your actions.

She is a simple theory of cause and effect. God is not responsible for giving you success or failure, it is you who has to stand up and scream for your desires that are locked up in your chest and only karma will answer based upon your doings. Yes, I believe in god, but I also believe that God is there to guide me towards the righteous path, and it’s up to me whether to go towards the path of virtue or the wrongdoing path that one is attracted to.

I have bumped into karma many times in my journey of life. She was really sweet at times, and other times she was a really big regret for my present life due to my previous actions. But I can’t blame her she was just doing her job, like how we all have our day to day jobs this is hers. When I was nine years old, I was playing in the park enjoying the smooth soft wind passing by my face, on a warm summer day. My friends from the park insisted that I get off the swing and come join them on the playground and play the game grounders with them. It is a game that requires your senses, touching, hearing, smelling but not seeing though, or else there’s no difference between the game tag and grounders. So I joined them and there was this one girl in that group that I strongly disliked because she was such a drama queen. No matter what she did I just disliked her a lot, and that day for some reason I was so mad I was just so fed up with her, my anger had lead me to my actions. At that point when I realized what I have done, it was too late to take back my actions. It took me at least 2 minutes to realize what I have done, and when I did realize I was terrified, my heart pushing its way out of my chest trying to run away from the body, it was screaming so loud it blocked my ears from hearing, the little innocent girl, yelling for her poor mother who was nowhere nearby to help her little broken angel. My hands shaking rapidly because they couldn’t bear the action that has been done.

I had pushed the little innocent girl off from the highest point in the playground when she had her eyes shut trusting her “friends” to guide her from the edges, so she doesn’t fall off. I couldn’t move it was like my brain was yelling at me to run away from home to your mother but my heart was yelling no, help this poor girl out she’s has been damaged because of you. Like many individuals, I listened to my small cruel brain and I ran, I was running so fast I could feel the wind smacking me in my face, it was like the wind even knew what I had done. When I was near my house I was figuring out how I would explain to my beautiful mother, what her selfish daughter had done. A couple of days I found out that I had broken her right leg and fractured her wrist, I was so ashamed of myself, I couldn’t even recognize who I am anymore.

When I was 10 years old in grade 5, basketball season was coming up in gym class and I loved playing basketball it was one of my favourite modules in P.E class. Just a couple days before basketball season I broke my right arm at the school playground. It was lunch break, I was coming down the ladder and all of a sudden my arm got stuck between the bars and my feet slipped off. I heard a really loud sound from my arm. It was a devastating moment for me, at that time I hated my life, I would be seated on the stage and would always ask myself why did I go to the park that day? Why did I even go to school that day? I would just never get it. Now that I have matured over the years, I have learnt that all along it was what karma is I finally figured why everything happens to you in life, It’s your actions reflecting.

“Karma never loses an address.”-Unknown

September 27

This I Believe: Everything Happens for a Reason

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“Sometimes the road of life takes an unexpected turn and you have no choice but to follow it to end up in the place you are supposed to be.” -Unknown 

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I believe in fate.

I believe in the unseen.

I believe in what is yet to come.

I believe that our roads have already been paved.

I believe that we are here to stay and we might as well enjoy the ride. 

And when the road ends, its ends.

 

In other words our near and far futures are set. Whatever we choose to do or chose to say, is what were meant to do. And the thought of ‘what if’, shouldn’t be the repercussion of every decision we feel unsettled with. Instead, thoughts of acceptance and assurance, knowing that this was meant to be, should overcome the disbelief of the certainty of your situation. The roads we are lead on are the roads we will take. Our roads may have ditches, bumps, hills or they might be slim, rough gravel roads, but those are our roads and we have no choice but to stay seated, because life isn’t going to stop and wait for you to get comfortable, and ready. However, these roads will lead to wide, freshly paved, plateau roads, where we can enjoy the ride after the treacherous journey getting there. Our roads are our fate.

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As a young boy everything I wanted I wanted it right then and there. I didn’t want to wait for sales or deals or wait until I get a good mark on my next test, I wanted it now. And that was my problem, not waiting to see what could happen, if I could find something better or something cheaper. And through this I developed a belief that if I didn’t get it now I’d never get it. As I grew older and began to drive I began thinking about buying my own car, and every time we would have a dinner at my uncle’s house we’d talk about cars and all the good deals he would find( my uncle was an electrician but he was involved in almost all sorts of business, which was good for us because he helped my father find two trucks that he bought). And my initial reaction was, ‘I want it now’. I didn’t think of, ‘could there be something cheaper, something better’, all I thought was what cool things am I going to put in the car, if I should wrap it or tint the windows. 

https://auto.ndtvimg.com/bike-images/gallery/kawasaki/ninja-1000/exterior/ninja-black.jpg?v=2017-07-07

However, in the summer of 2017, when my family and I went to Lebanon, I had found a passion that was inside me the whole time and just needed to be shown a bit of light. Motorcycles. That was it, motorcycles. I loved them. The way they roar, the way they zoom past you without you even noticing. That was what I wanted. And the reason for the enlightenment of this passion was due to a man that my cousin called, who I didn’t know, came and took me for a ride on his Suzuki GSXR. And in that moment, with the furious wind blowing onto my helmet less head, I knew I wanted a motorcycle. But as time pasted on, and the criticism grew from family members about how they are dangerous and your not mature enough, my passion for motorcycles weakened and I went straight back to dreaming of driving something that would be mine.

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During the summer of 2019, I was lying down with my family watching a movie in the family room when all of a sudden my uncle shot me a text that immediately accelerated my heart rate. They were details and pictures of a 2005, extremely taken car for, black Infinite G35x, fully loaded, for only $4,000.00. There was nothing wrong with it, it was the perfect car; and I wanted it. Shortly after seeing the pictures with widened eyes I ran to inform my dad, he was upstairs doing some business work. After explaining all the details about the car he shot me with a, “we’ll see”. And my dad’s “we’ll see” is basically a no. So me being the stubborn kid that doesn’t want to wait, I kept talking about the car and how we are going down to Edmonton tomorrow so I can see it and I’ll let you know if it’s right for me or not, which obviously it is. Finally, after our long drive to Edmonton, and then sitting for two hours until my uncle showed up, he knocks on the door. As I stood up in excitement on my way to open the door, I don’t see the car, only his 2018 Ford F150, and I knew something was wrong. After greeting him with a smile and hug, he shot me down with words that I never thought I’d hear, “sorry Jeffery, the guy sold it already, and I didn’t know if you were a hundred percent sure about it, so I let it go”. I didn’t know what to say or do I just stood there while words fell out of my mouth without knowing. “It’s all good man don’t worry about”. And I said it with a smile.

And throughout the rest of the summer, I worked. I didn’t focus on any cars, and the pain of knowing that I couldn’t get a bike was eating me alive. Everytime I’d see a bike on the road my eyes would follow it like a snipper’s laser. And I dragged my passion for bikes with me everywhere, until one day when not forgetting about it payed off. My family and I were all at the dinner table eating and talking about school, that would start in a week. It was my last year and I had to do my best if I wanted to do something with my life. My mom as usual was talking to my brothers about how if they got her 90’s they would get something. And I was just sitting there listening, until it was my turn to request what I wanted, and I blurted out, “what about me dude.” My mom turned looked at me with a smile and said exactly what I wanted to hear. ” If you get me 80’s in all your core subjects. I’ll get you your bike.” Even though that was what I want to hear, I just stared at her with an expressionless face, and waited for my my brain to comprehend the reality of what was going on. After I got pulled back into reality I jumped so high out of my seat that I’m pretty sure I hit the chandelier. I looked at my mom, and said, “you better get your money ready, because I’m gonna get you 80’s.”

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Through all the criticism that I had taken from my uncles, gramas and aunts, that caused me to have demoralized thoughts about getting a bike, I now have the potential to get one. And because I didn’t get the car that my uncle showed me, and the many others that I could have gotten, I have the best chance to get what I really wanted this whole time. My motorcycle. Due to this recent experience of not getting what I wanted, and now getting what I truly desired this whole time showed me that this was meant to be. there are many individuals, including myself that dont wait and want everything at that very moment. And the reality is that we can’t. If we don’t get what we want then there is something better for us instore, waiting for the right time t come. And even if it doesn’t come, and it turns out that I don’t get my bike, then that is what is supposed to happen. everything happens for a reason, and we should all believe in that and not allow ourselves to be hung up on the past. this experience strengthened my belief in fate, because it showed me that when I didn’t get what I wanted, I got what I really desired. However, there are some individuals that think if everything in their is miserable, it is miserable for a reason. It may be that you as an individual could not handle a stress free luxurious life and your misery is protecting you from something greater. This belief may be hard to accept but once you witness it, you become more humbled to yourself and others and believe that everything happens for a reason, and what ever happens, happens for your own good. And now I have developed a ver important attribute, that will allow me to move forward past any obstacles and persevere past hardships that bring me down. And any individual who has the belief in fate, is an individual that will become successful metally and physically.

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September 27

This I believe: The path created

“We determine our destiny by the actions we take today.” (Catherine Pulsifer)

I believe our future depends on us.

I believe that there’s always a reason something happens.

I believe that every choice made today will change the choices we are given tomorrow.

 Everyone is destined for greatness, but the choices we make affect how we reach them. When choosing today, we should take into account what might happen tomorrow. Destiny is what guides us to success, and without it we begin walking into the unknown every day. What occurs today has a hidden purpose, we should all accept the actions of today and move forward.

  Our destiny is similar to a fork in the road, the direction we pick is the one that leads us to our new destination. Displaying how the choices made today will put forth new opportunities. No matter what direction you pick success becomes imminent as you’re destined for greatness.The fork in the road represents the choices given to us and how we must choose which way we want to go while always keeping in mind the next day. Our destination is what we pursue our whole life chasing what we desire the most in life.

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As summer began, and my first year of FFCA grade nine ended, only one thing was left stressing me after my PAT’s – my report card, which was expected to arrive any day now. I was 100 percent sure my parents were going to be ashamed again after I was suspended the same year. The day finally came when I heard my parents called me as if today was my execution date.   As I began walking into the dining room, ideas ran through my head like NASCAR race “it wasn’t my fault – the teacher was bad”, “I’ll do better next year I promise”, “FFCA just hard – send me to public school”. I sat down across from parents, nothing they had a brown folder in front of them. After being yelled for what felt like hours my mother came and sat beside me and said, “I know your smart you’re just lazy you have to try now this is high school”. I came into grade 10 with a brand new mindset wanting to prove my father wrong, after the first semester I brought my report card home with my head held high. It felt different finally not being scared of my report card walking out the school with a smile on a face. By failing I was led to success. 

 

 

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September 27

I Believe in Being Lost

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I believe in not knowing.

I believe in wandering without a compass in hand.

I believe in being lost. 

 

Only when you are lost, will you find what you have been searching for. Even while not knowing it there has been discomfort resting in the back of your mind, waiting for you to accept the truth, and be discovering who you truly are after the search. Search like the world was made for you to be lost in its beauty, in the beauty of the unknown. I believe in going along with the flow of whatever is meant to be, flirting with fields of possibility. Even when the world is fast asleep, dreaming in another life after a long, busy day of building ladders to reach threads of goals, I stay awake daydreaming of vast seas and oceans. In my nightlife, I sit patiently waiting and wondering. I am gloriously lost. And lost is exactly the way I want to be. As lost as a dandelion seed in the light of a wakeful spring breeze. I allow the subtle whispers of kismet to steer me in any direction. Disguised as a cool wind, they carry me along to where I know I belong.

 

It spills like a story. My story. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted my life to become. Whispers of the future filled the air around me, sending my lungs a feeling of suffocation. The future was a concept my mind was able to comprehend. But my future, it was a thought so near but a reality I could not seem to begin grasping onto. They asked what we wanted to become when we grew up and the truth is I never knew. I felt lost as the walls of questions kept closing in on me. The answer was always in the back of my head but I continued to ignore the fact that there were ever questions. So there I was, in the middle of a cold winter night. I reached for the compass and held it in my hands, something so fragile yet powerful. I had found my answer: writing.

 

I can still picture myself holding onto the thin piece of paper, it was blank. Clutching the pencil in my fingers and taking a deep breath, allowed something beautiful to happen. All the thoughts that had compiled themselves in my head began spilling onto the page, I had gotten a glimpse of what had been inside my soul for years for the very first time and at that exact moment, my future was set in motion. This was the moment I fell in love with writing. My mind was lost in a world of terror and tears. Only when writing had grasped onto my hand, did I realize the beauty of wandering helplessly. 

 

The following morning I rushed down the hallway of my school and into my teacher’s classroom. Ms.Skunta was the exact opposite of the stereotype of an elementary teacher. For one, I never saw a blinding-red apple sitting on her desk, symbolizing everything she was to her students. She wore monotone colours, grey, black, a washed out blue once in awhile. The only time I could catch a glimpse of her smile was when she would converse with other teachers just outside the classroom. Ms. Skunk. That was the nickname given to her. It’s not that she hated children or her job, I hope, it was as if a spark that had once fluttered in her eyes had withered away. I never understood it but as I got older and looked back to my elementary days, the pieces would bind closer together and begin to make sense. This is why I was terrified and excited all at the same time to show her what I had discovered about myself. 

 

I took a deep breath and handed her the thin paper, gazing into her eyes. She read over it and smiled. Smiled! Neither one of us spoke but she began to walk towards her desk and I followed. Sitting across from her my eyes peered into every item that sat still. Piles of paper, a granola bar, her laptop, and something I had to stare into for more than a few seconds to comprehend: a photograph of her kissing a man on the cheek. He looked about her age, with a faded beard, a red hat, and a smile as bright as the sun on a humid summer morning. As my eyes turned to meet hers, I could see a spark tucked just behind the walls of her mind. She grabbed onto a red pen and spoke. 

 

“Investigate is spelled with an ‘e’ not an ‘a.’ ” 

https://www.stocksy.com/276719/stack-of-notebooks-on-a-office

And this is when it truly began. So many stories were written about clues, birds, castles, and ice cream. Each one Ms.Skunta patiently edited with me, silently suffering through every butchered word. Writing had made my heart its permanent home and I will be forever grateful. This was eight years ago when I was a little girl. I was lost and lost is exactly the way I wanted to be. If I hadn’t been, my heart wouldn’t burst onto pages and pages of art every time I silently sat and began writing my mind. Forced to follow my path and no one else’s, I took my chance to become something greater than myself. Writing will always be a part of me and it will be the key element in who I may become in the future. For now, the walls are no longer closing in on me and my lungs are finally breathing in oxygen one breath at a time. In a way, I am lost right now. Only this time, with a journal and pen in hand. 

I believe in being lost because only when you are lost will you be found.  

September 27

I believe in Perseverance

 

 

“I May not be here yet, but i’m closer than I was yesterday”-unknown

 

“ if you are going through hell,keep going”- Winston Churchill 

 

I believe in perseverance 

 

I believe that we all go through hardships in life. Sometimes it’s inevitable and we, as individuals, have to fight through our challenges even when we are at our lowest point in life. That is what I believe is perseverance. Having to go through hell and still having to walk past all the difficult situations that are going against you in life.

 

Ever since I was little, I always had eczema. I always had the “itchy” feeling since elementary school and it was something I was used to. Then came middle school where my eczema became dormant. I had no issues with my skin and I was able to be at ease for the 4 years I was in middle school. But then came 10th grade when my eczema started to come back. I didn’t think of it as much because it was just a little flare-up that didn’t really affect my daily routine. I finished the 10th grade but that summer was a time that will always be embedded in my mind for the rest of my life.

 

My life changed drastically that summer. It was the summer where I would be going into the 11th grade, the most important year of my life. Over the summer, my skin got worse to the point where it was affecting my quality of life. I was in a constant state of pain. My bedsheets looked like a murder scene because of how much my skin would leak blood. I would always have this burning sensation like someone poured hot oil all over my skin. It felt like 1000 needles poking my skin all at once. I was immobile at this point where I couldn’t do any of my daily activities. My mom got so worried that she took me to the doctors that summer. But what the doctor said changed my life for the worse.

 

The doctor had told my mother and I that it was “basic eczema” and gave me a steroid cream that would help improve my infected areas. During the appointment, she never examined my swollen, inflamed skin. The resident, that was there to see me, looked from afar and after she gave the prescription she left. She also told us that she’ll refer us to a dermatologist “as fast as she could.” My mother was furious that they weren’t diligent with what I was going through and decided to take me to the children’s hospital. They were more helpful than my own family doctor. They looked at my skin thoroughly and got me a referral to a dermatologist right away. After the last few days of summer were over school had finally started.

 

When school started I was doing okay, I wore the uniform and attended my classes as best as I could. During the beginning of school, I went to the dermatologist and they examined my skin and took a swab of it. She wanted to check if “there was an infection” that had appeared in my skin. Another couple of days had past and I started to bleed through my shirts and I had to constantly go to the bathroom to stop the bleeding. Fast forward to my next dermatologist appointment and the doctor told me that I had “a heavy staph infection”. I was prescribed antibiotics for four weeks. It got the infection out. At this point, I stopped going to school.

 

When I didn’t attend school, I was in bed, in pain. When everyone was having fun at school, I had to suffer at home, alone. The pain that I felt was unbearable. I couldn’t move any part of my body and had to stay in bed because wasn’t able to walk either. liquids would be pouring out of my skin and would dry up and turn into yellow scabs that would be scattered all over my body.  My arms, hands, legs, and stomach area were all swollen, bubbly and inflamed. I eventually started to smell this weird odor coming from my skin. I soon figured out that it was coming from all the patches. During this time, I was heavily depressed and lonely. My parents had to work and my siblings were still going on with their life while I was bedridden for 4 months. My mom tried to stay home as much as she should when I was severely ill, but there was only so much that she could do. My family was very supportive and would come over to talk to me. In this time, I had never craved for so much human interaction in my life. I was at the lowest point of my life. At that point in my life, I was so scared of what the future held because of how many absences I had at the beginning of grade 11. After 4 months of taking medication, I was finally able to go back to school.

 

After going back to school, I felt good about myself. I was doing something other than laying down in my bed and being cooped up in my room. I had a lot of work that I had to do in order for me to pass grade 11. It took a lot of effort and time to get where I am today. I had to work 10 times harder than everyone else because of the fact that I was already so far behind. During this time, I was still facing problems with my skin, but I didn’t let it come in my way. I persevered through the pain during school and got my school work done. Eventually, when school was coming to an end, I had successfully completed second semester of grade 11. The feeling I felt on the last day of school was of pure relief. it was joyous moment for me. I had done what I thought was impossible for me. I persevered and had successfully passed grade 11.

 

https://nation.com.pk/08-Jul-2017/an-open-letter-to-people-suffering-from-depression

September 27

This I believe: Essence of Freedom

 

I believe in freedom 

I believe in opportunity

I believe in choice 

I believe in risks

I believe that we are faced with such challenges in life to become stronger individuals. We may feel as if we are trapped but in reality we all are free.

 

Freedom is something that we all have, but we take it for granted. We take into consideration whether we are physically free, but not mentally. As an individual gets older they face more troubles: stress, work, acceptance  and so on – this begins to make an impact on them. It becomes a burden on them. With their own thinking against them they begin to regret a lot of things that they could’ve been involved with. They dig their grave deeper and deeper, they don’t understand that everyone already have freedom, and  they are just constraining them self because of their own thinking. They chase freedom even though it is like the end of a rainbow; it’s an optical illusion – there’s nothing there, everyone already has it, if they don’t, it’s because their thinking is constraining them. 

 

It’s the mental fight that I didn’t win until I had faced a challenge when it was the summer of 2019. Since my younger days I had the issue with thoughts that I should become the person that the people around me need and would like. I had decided to put others first rather than not focusing on myself. This has put me in a cage with where I am not  able to think and do what I wanted. We were told to be selfless and think of others, this had been engraved into my mind and has impacted me in to not think for myself. 

 

Throughout my life I had just thought of others despite looking at myself. Without taking into account what I can do, I had fallen into a very depressive state. I wouldn’t talk about how my feelings and wouldn’t try to do new things, didn’t try to change my ways. I had only felt comfortable when I was by myself, theoretically I threw myself into a cage where it was impossible to get out. It was a void of darkness that I trapped myself in, even though I had people to get me through this dark time it felt as if I had to accomplish such a goal by myself. It hurts thinking about pushing away the people that tried to help. My mom was very prominent in me finding my true identity. I had kept my feelings trapped inside me and expressing them, they had just built up ready to blow up.

 

With school over I had two months to myself, being able to try new things but there was just a little voice within my had that was telling me to say no or think about what this person would say on what I was doing would they accept this. Even though my intentions were positive I had troubles with being able to go forward with it. I had tried to open up about my feelings. My feelings had been what held me back and with them being out of the way I would be able to lift some weight off my shoulders.

In the summer I had tried to push for me express who I am and become of an individual and free. I had went through a difficult summer. I was forced to do work that I didn’t enjoy, with me not expressing what I wanted and allowing for other to decide for me. Until the death of my grandpa during this time period my family was going through a lot and I had been there to help. I didn’t now my grandpa as much and didn’t have a connection with him in this time I was given a speech by my mother. She had talked to me and expressed how I should not worry as much embrace life. There was more within in this speech that had pushed me to for fill what I desire. It may seem as if  I could’ve accomplished such a task by myself yet I couldn’t. There were chains that needed to be broken.

With me lifting my feelings and becoming a stronger individual I was able to get opportunities by making risks.

September 27

This I Believe: Redemption, Resilience.

I believe resilience is a vital trait for an individual to have. 

I believe redemption is the key to making people see you the way you are now as opposed to the person you used to be. 

 

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” – Dale Carnagie 

 

When I was little I was always taught that i needed to make the best of each situation, no matter how bad everything really was. I was told either to bend to make everything work and if I didn’t bend, I would simply break. I learnt the true meaning of this when I was in the ninth grade. Sure I had little hardships along the way but this was the first thing that directly after I didn’t know how to bounce back. I was completely floored. In the ninth grade I wasn’t in the best headspace. I wanted nothing to do with school work and wanted to be out with my friends all night who were all at least 2-3 years older than me. Which made my best friend, become interested in my brother. That caused major fighting between us and we let that leach into our school environment and into what we both shared for extra curriculars. Unfortunately we both weren’t very mature either so it had cost us a school trip that we had both been looking forward too. That devastated me because I wasn’t sure how to bounce back in the drama program I was, to put it simply young and dumb and had royally messed up. Little did I know they were welcoming with open and warm arms. I realized that year though because of how much I had messed up and had gone through my “rebellious phase” sooner rather than later and I was able to get my head ever so straightener on top of my shoulders and it made a world of a difference for myself because I was able to accomplish so much more because of it. 

 

“She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way. She adjusted her sails” – Elizabeth Edwards

September 27

This I believe: Resilience

“With the new day comes strength and new thoughts” 

Eleanor Roosevelt

 

I believe in resilience 

I believe in perseverance

 

I believe that even if the odds are stacked against you, it’s important to take what you have and make the best of the situation you are in because at the end of the day, gratitude for the small situations that you are placed in makes you appreciate the big moments more.

Resilience is the ability to smile and move on when the unthinkable happens. With each painful situation we gain knowledge and an experience that will forever be in your heart. The ability to be resilient is shown within the individual who keeps going even if no one is cheering for them. 

To be resilient is to be strong. Unbreakable and determined.

Each individual you meet throughout life has a different story of how they became who they are. The things that broke them and the experience that made them stronger. 

       Throughout my life there have been many things that have broken me down and made me stronger. But one thing in particular that truly showed me the power of resiliency was last September I witnessed my best friend trying to commit suicide. Her  mom and her had gotten into a fight over something, I never figured out what it even was. Her mom stormed out leaving me, her sister, and Meg. It all seemed so quick – one moment we were cooking dinner together the next one she had downed a mouthful of bleach and we were in the hospital having to retell the story over and over again to different nurses and doctors that would come into the room. Knowing that Meg was going to be okay, I proceeded to push down this to the back of my mind and ignore the many psychological effects this would have on anyone, especially a sixteen year old girl whose world had been shattered. Before I knew it, the weeks turned into months and it had been six months since the incident and it was bleeding into my relationships along with my school work, turning me from an 80’s student to someone who would get constant 50’s on all her things. Unfortunately, this dug me into a dark hole and a space where I  would make constant bad decisions that seemed to pull me into an even darker place. It was then when I realized that instead of trying to fight my demons, I had to embrace them because they made me who I am today. I am glad I made this decision because of it I am stronger and wiser than I was a year ago. I got to the end of my tunnel and I found a place that made me happy, confident, but most importantly I became my true self and not a facade that I wanted people to love. 

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 If it wasn’t for the people that I met and supported me even when I wouldn’t say what’s wrong I wouldn’t be standing here today. They had ignited a fire within me that could not be tamed, a fire that would be infectious and help others to push through. A fire that came in a time of darkness for which I am grateful for every day when I wake up. I had become stronger and most importantly resilient and wouldn’t let anything break me down. 

Resiliency and strength go hand in hand and I am grateful that through all the hard times. As cliche as this may sound, I found the light at the end of a tunnel that I thought would never end. 

 

Life has a funny way of showing you just how capable you are for the things you want to achieve. With each card I was dealt, I found a way to change my destiny and my future into the one I wanted. I had found the things I was missing. 

 

I believe in strength, love, and perseverance. 

I believe in being resilient. 

 

“Strong people alone know how to organize their suffering so as to bear only the most necessary pain” 

Emil Dorian