Evolution of one’s Beliefs

Prompt: what is your opinion of the idea that our beliefs are influenced by the actions of others?

One’s own beliefs are never set, evolving throughout time and experiences. Individuals begin to change there own set of values and beliefs as they see the effects of others actions, thus creating a mindset that is never set. This is visible in almost every individual as no one human has kept the same ideologies and values through their whole life, if one keeps the same views they are considered single minded and ignorant. In the excerpt from The Last Lecture written by Randy Pausch, Pausch talks about the motivation he had gained from the first Apollo mission, Pausch also talked about the importance of having inspiration to motivate everyone. Showing how the action taken by those men who first stepped onto the moon changed his own views. This can also be displayed in the novel Night written by Elie Wiesel, Wiesel illustrated how the Holocaust and the horrfic actions of the Nazis changed his own beliefs, from beliving in god and awlays praying to forgetting him and losing his faith. I personally relate to this as I myself have my beliefs influenced by the people around me, especially my father who I looked towards for guidance and aid. The actions one sees may lead them to change and evolve their own beliefs.

The key events in one’s life are what create their own values. In the excerpt from The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, Pausch describes his experience of watching the first Apollo mission. He clearly remembers this memory because of how significant it was to him, Pausch believed the vast amount of money that had been spent was worth it. As this would motivate others, this source of motivation and inspiration is greater in value than the money spent. Pausch also describes how the Apollo mission had inspired him as a scientist. This example of a memory in Randy Pausch life exemplifies how an event in one’s life can alter their beliefs, creating new things one may value or signified. The smallest of experiences that one keeps close to them can hold and lasting influence on them.

One’s own faith and beliefs can be changed by key events that have taken place in their lives, these events are always kept in mind even when doing the littlest of action. The actions one may take can also affect an individual creating a lasting impact that can never be lost. In the Novel Night by Elie Wisel, Elie writes about the Holocaust and how it changed him. From being a young boy who always prayed and Studied the Kabbalah, to losing his faith and becoming nothing but an empty soul. Elie lost his faith and changed his beliefs as he faced the horrific events of the Holocaust and saw the actions a man could take against another man, Elie belived if God had been real this would have never taken place as God wouldnt allow such horrific events to take place. This is displayed when Elie is in the work camp and ask “where is god where is he”, showing how Elie had begun to lose his faith asking for God. By the end Elie gave up his faith and saw himself in the mirror as nothing but a corpse. The actions Elie had seen take place evolved him leaving an impact on him forever. The evolution of one’s beliefs is visible through the actions they have seen causing them to change and either embrace their past beliefs more or forget them all together.

The beliefs one creates are based on the things they have seen, the future actions they’ll take will be based on their past. My personal experience with this is how I look to my father as a guider, watching all the actions he takes in his life and following him. I watch my father knowing he has been through more than me and knows best. His actions are closely tied to my beliefs as I look up to him and wish to excel as much as he did. By mimicking my father I create certain values similar to his such as having religion a key point in life. By having the influence of one the beliefs or values created will shift to be identical and based on the events that have taken place. No matter the type of individual everyone bases their beliefs over the past experiences that they have seen, this could be my father showing me how to pray and how important it is or me watching him pick the proper meat to purchase and the amount. Thus showing how other actions always have a lasting effect on our choices and beliefs.

The significant actions one sees will never leave them, staying with them as the influence for their own beliefs and actions. One may see these actions as the reasoning for them create new beliefs similar to Randy Pausch in The Last Lecture, where Randy’s beliefs evolved with the first Apollo mission. Randy began following his new passion of science because of the mission. One’s beliefs can also be lost with the significant events they viewed such as Elie in the novel Night and how he lost his faith and beliefs with the horrific events of the Holocaust, causing him to lose his faith in God. No matter the key event one will evolve their own beliefs.

Category: Aazab | LEAVE A COMMENT

December 19

Never Shall I Forget this hurt

Never shall I forget that night in the basement

Never shall I forget that sense of worry and sadness that engulfed me,

Never shall I forget that those emotions would become second nature for the following year

Never Shall I forget the lies that slipped my tongue when my younger cousin asked me what was wrong

Never shall I forget the night my childhood ended and ignorance became a luxury I couldn’t afford.

Never shall I forget the misunderstanding that took place in my family because according to them “black people don’t have mental illnesses”

Never shall I forget the look of anger and disappointment on our parents faces as we sat in the hospital waiting to see if my best friend was okay.

Never shall I forget explaining that her drinking bleach was a cry for help not attention

never shall i forget being looked at and ignored

Never shall I forget the 3 day wait to see if her suicide attempt had done any damage and the following year where our friendship was monitored and controlled by our parents.

Never shall I forget the fact that I had saved her and was punished for it

Never shall I forget these things for as long as I live.

Never shall I forget

Never

Category: Sept 2019, Tyra | 2 Comments

January 14

I still wonder….. (Free Choice)

Dear Diary,

It was a dark sunny day today. I was trying to cross a double road on a highway. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, it has been just been a few weeks since I came back to India and I’m already breaking all the rules but I was in a hurry to help the man with a young child across the road, who was about one year younger than Sparsh I believe, who just turned 5 in October. It took me approximately ten minutes to reach the opposite side because it was a highway and rush hour, so everyone was trying to get home to their families.I guess it was then that it hit me what a cruel world we live in. About a 100 cars should have passed from the time I noticed those two people and no one even tried to help them. Who knows how many hours, days or weeks, they had been sitting there. I had some snacks in one hand and water bottles in the other hand.

I gave it to that man as soon as I got through the traffic I will never forget the smile on that man’s face. He thanked me and told me I would live a beautiful life. There was only one question in my mind all the way back home, Why didn’t anyone just stop and help that man? Why is everyone so wound up in their own worlds and are so selfish that they couldn’t even spend 30 rupees on some snacks and water bottles. If nothing, they would have made them smile and gained well-wishes of an innocent man and his child. It broke my heart when I saw that young boy, he didn’t deserve that life.

When I finally reached home my grandma could see I was in despair and agony, I went straight to my room and laid down on my back just thinking. She came in with my lunch and asked me everything was okay, I told asked her the same question that was on my mind. Why didn’t anyone stop to help that man? She had no answer for that either. She said, “My father always used to tell me a story that his mom told him.” “Do you remember everytime we go to our village and I see people outside the temple and I offer them everything I have in my hand and in my purse.” I said, “yeah, you did that when I was young, even though we didn’t have enough to eat back home, you would never say no to those in need.” She then told me the reason behind it, “If that man in the uniform who was fighting against us, protecting his country had not given my granddad the water bottle I can’t image how he would have survived in that hell hole.”

At that time my dad was only 2 or 3 years old, I can’t remember now but my grandfather told me when we got the water bottle from the man in that uniform, my granddad respected him more than he ever respected anyone. Because that man in that uniform was the only one who saw my dad as a human in need and not as the enemy. Many men walked by without acknowledging them but he stopped and offered them the bottle of water. It wasn´t a lot but it was more than enough. My dad also told me that the water wasn’t for himself or for mom it was for the children that were with him. “Genes I guess.” They weren’t his own but he saw that they were in need and didn’t think twice about it and offered it to those children.

Everytime I heard this story from my dad it would compel me to help more and more people. I had never seen my grandma in tears in a long time. That was first when she was talking about her granddad. As she looked up at me, she could see I had tears running down both my eyes, I still remember those soft fragile hands that wiped my tears and said “Look Chinni, (my nickname) we can’t control how other people handle things and how they react to it, maybe there are helping in other ways, ways we are not aware of. Only thing is that we can’t control anything. It is how we react when we see someone in need that’s what really matters. “Are you gonna be the soldier who offered my granddad water bottle or are you going to be those who didn’t acknowledge they were there.”

She looked up at me and as she wiped her own tears and said to me “I am proud of you Suhaani for helping that man and his child out in ways you could. Now come on eat something.” As my grandma was feeding me, I thought about how absolutely lucky I was to have a meal 3 times a day and have water whenever I needed and that man and his child- no one cared how long it had been since they had their last meal or even seen a meal in days.

I went back again after eating my lunch to take them to a decent place and buy them a meal. But by the time I reached, they were gone… That young child had done nothing wrong to be living that way. I may never seem them again but all I hope is that the young boy gets everything in this world everything he deserves and wants.

Category: Sept 2017, Suhaani, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

December 29

I am a Sunflower

Image result for time the sun and her flowers

From the book ‘The Sun and her Flowers’ by Rupi Kaur

The well-known writer, Rupi Kaur, published her book, ‘the sun and her flowers’ again, spreading awareness of how self-love and the importance of investing time in ourselves for human growth and development. For Rupi, writing is a way where she can take a moment to listen to her soul and voice and respond in a kindly way, assuring her that it is not only her who may, at some point, feel a kind of way. Through her adolescence experiences, she was able to inspire people including myself to find our voice. Her words have touched many young individuals who are left feeling isolated from the world due to their misunderstanding of how to cope with reality.

This poem depicts a strong representation of how life will go on no matter what is going on around you, even if all you want at that moment is for life to pause and be alone to thoroughly understand what has happened and how to react to it. We shouldn’t limit ourselves to how much we can endure, in fear of not making it to the end; because as life pushes us we become stronger and if you are able to push yourself- you will survive. At the end, things might work out for us and even if they don’t- through the hustle of trying to get a grip of ourselves, life will give us a new perspective on the way we think about a particular experience. Once we overcome uncomfortable experiences we come back stronger than ever with more knowledge and strength integrated into us. After an individual is struck by reality, self abandonment is the key to heal and grow resulting in an individual to realize that they will never reach their fullest potential; their potential will keep on evolving.

Young flowerheads are most likely facing the sun, when they bloom, they face east. I like to think of myself as a young sunflower. I haven’t completely lost my innocence that I always had as a young child but I do believe that some of my innocence has been replaced with fear. Fear of being alone, left behind, not cared for and most importantly denial. I know a lot of people including myself who don’t take denial well. Denial as in feeling like i’m not enough and I have qualities that I lack. That is what I am scared of, giving my all to people who can replace me without any hesitation. Because the people that allow you to be so happy are the same people who are preparing to take something from you. I am scared of giving it my all, seeing the potential of who they can be and sticking by them through better or worse even if that means putting myself out their and unknowingly giving them the permission to take my love and my spirit for granted.

And once you realize that, why is that not a good enough reason to leave them? Why does it feel like everything you have ever believed in is not true? How do you differentiate between real and fake. Why did this happen so soon? What happened all of a sudden?

What signs did I not recognize? What qualities do I lack?

How come I couldn’t make you happy? What don’t I have that she has?

And at that moment I convinced myself that each and everything in my world was you, nothing else mattered.

I was wrong for that- wrong for believing that everything that happened between us was because of me. I don’t compare myself with her anymore because one year of isolation, one year of forcing myself to get up each morning- struggling to keep breathing was hard and I believe after a couple months I had adjusted to that lifestyle with no hope in myself to get back on my feet and see anything worth of my existence.

But I kept pushing myself no matter how badly I wanted life to pause so I wouldn’t have to feel alone in my thoughts or how badly I wanted time to stop so I can thoroughly understand my feelings in order to overcome them.

And I am thankful for not settling with that kind of mindset because I have learnt so much about love, support and what it really means when people say that you will get through rough moments. I am thankful that there was no pause in my life because of you. Having life go on forced me, whether or not I liked it, to keep pushing. And with patience and time I realized my worth and began learning that there is a reason behind everything and that even though peoples reasoning may hurt us, we must not limit ourselves. Most importantly, I realized that along with me, there are similar people in the world who don’t have the love they need, making them act in a way that may hurt others around them. And with time I realized that, that is okay. I allowed time to guide me through the process of forgiveness.

You did not hurt me because I let you take me for granted. You hurt me because it was you who didn’t know how to love. And maybe you’ve never experienced something so real, which made you so afraid of commitment. So I hope one day you do love something with so much passion because even if it doesn’t work out in the end, you will experience the gift of wanting more for someone than they want for themselves. Being loved comes and goes in life but having the first hand experience of loving is only for the few of us.

We don’t have the slightest clue of how strong we are and what we are capable of. We will get through life without reaching our fullest potential because there’s no limit to our greatness. And that is why we should never limit ourselves to the amount of happiness, sadness, love or hate we can endure. When we are left with the only option of remaining strong, we fight and maybe we never really stop fighting in our lifetime but there is beauty in our fight.

Because our comeback from hitting rock bottom outweighs the negative influence.

And I believe that even a small amount of happiness can outweigh any amount of sadness because the only thing that can save us, when we can’t save ourselves, is love.

I don’t stop here. I will bloom and even when it is dark outside I will continue to find the sunlight.

Category: Sept 2017, Simran | LEAVE A COMMENT

December 19

Still I Rise by Maya Angelou – I Forgive You by Suhaani Jain

Still I Rise

by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

I Forgive You

by Suhaani Jain

Do you remember how I was hurt with your words?

Do you remember how it made me feel?

Do you remember how I told you to STOP?

Do you still hear my screams and shrieks at night?

Because I can still hear your words…

Echoing in my ears…

every day,

every minute,

every second…

of my life.

Does it bother you I learned from my mistakes?

Does it bother you I finally accepted who I am?

Does it bother you I stopped seeking your approval?

Because I just don’t care anymore.

Does it bother you that I am not one of your puppets anymore?

Does it bother you I stopped letting you drag my soul down?

Does it bother you I stopped crying myself to sleep?

Because I now sleep in peace.

Does it bother you that I am more capable than ever?

Does it bother you that I stopped caring about and listening to your words?

Does it bother you that I am confident?

Does it bother you that I let go of things that weighed me down?

Because I did and I couldn’t be more happier.

Does it bother you that I MOVED ON?

Because I realized you

weren’t worth

My pain,

My tears,

And my life

has never been better.

Reason Why…

It’s like

Gripping

On to shards of glass,

Believing it would numb the pain.

But I realize it cuts deeper than the surface.

Ripping open the capillaries

With no hesitation,

Severing the nerves

Without a second thought.

By the time I realized

it did more harm than good,

It was too late.

The damage had been done.

The work of the monster/enemy

Is now

irreversible.

For the longest time, I thought this friendship was worth the pain and suffering. I gave it many chances, hoping each day, the next would be better, and hoping each day it would be worth my while. I stood by you when the whole world was against you. I supported you at your absolute worst. I was there when you needed a shoulder to cry on. I was there when your so called “friends” betrayed you. I always believed in you, and I went out of my way to protect you and stand up for you. I disregarded the hell you put me through because I saw that you needed a friend. I went against everyone who loved and cared for me. I went against those who wanted the best for me and those who told me to stay away from you, they said you would cause nothing me but pain and despair. That you would fill my life with nothing but darkness. I stood up against EVERYONE for you. I myself was broken, yet I pulled myself back up so I could be there for you. You used me, lied to me, took advantage of me and my friendship. Every single time, I gave you a chance, I wanted you to prove to me that I was right about you. I wanted you to prove to me that you weren’t what others were saying you are. Instead, all you ended up doing was proving them right, each and every single thing they said about you was true. You proved me wrong. You pushed me down repeatedly, but, then you picked me back up, only to push me back down again. You made me feel absolutely worthless. Even after all this when you were in my position, I took you under my cocoon and protected you. You repeatedly broke me and my trust. Yet, I forgive you, for the times you used me, for the times you made me live in self-loath, for all those times you disrespected me and this friendship. And I forgive you because I don’t want to remember you in anyway. I don’t want any part of you in my life. Moving forward I want to be able to remember those moments in my life that I cherish and am proud of and none of those moments involve you. None.

Category: Sept 2017, Suhaani | LEAVE A COMMENT

November 17

Help

A Bend in the Road

It was early June of 2016 I remember getting picked up by my parents from school. For some vague reason, I recall being ecstatic. On our way home, not even ten minutes into the drive, my mom got a call, and out of nowhere she told my Dad to pull over, as he pulled over, my Mom told us that the doctors found cancer in my Aunt’s lungs.

Growing up in a Hispanic family the first thing that I was taught was that family always comes first and that it should always be cherished. Before my Aunt passed away I knew I had little time left with her, so I stuck to her like glue.

That same year my Aunt passed away on September 15^th of 2016.

It was hard. It was hard on all of us.

For the longest time I always wished that she could come back, but a part of me knew it wouldn’t happen. I didn’t grieve, and even if I could, I didn’t know how to, when she died I was completely numb to the situation.

My grief soon turned into a strong hate.

After my Aunt’s passing, my family started going to church, during the mass while the Father was preaching I remember he said, “God brings miracles to those that are good.” When the father said that, I was so angry that I walked out of the church. From that day on I always blamed God for my Aunt’s death because if he was meant to bring miracles to good people, why couldn’t have saved my Aunt. Having stored all my rage within myself, doubt of my religion surged through me, making me wonder if I even believed in God.

I was confused, angry, and frustrated.

Soon after, I fell into depression, the feeling of my life spiraling out of control, was just the beginning of my chaos. I felt lost, alone, numb, worthless, and empty. I did nothing but cry. When I looked into the mirror all I could see was the reflection of dead eyes. My depression was like watching someone else live inside my body.

Eventually, I got the help that was needed and started integrating back into society, talking to friends, posting on my social media, but my life just wasn’t the same.

It’s ironic because as a kid, your childhood is meant to be lived with carelessness and liberty, but sometimes you just have to grow up a little faster than you anticipated. But what I realized, is that life is a rollercoaster that everyone goes through, and it’s not easy. Going through the transition from a life, one filled with lots of joy and happiness, to one full of hate, grief, and chaos not only resulted in a broken family but also in a broken girl.

Nine months after my Aunt’s death– just a week before May finished– my mom had a seizure. She was in a coma for three days, the doctors ran multiple tests on her, eventually, she woke up. But, we then found out that she had a cancerous tumor in the frontal lobe of her brain.

I remember I could feel myself just drowning, I knew that my depression was slowly creeping back into my life, and if it continued, it was going to come back stronger than ever. But, for my sake and for my family’s, I wouldn’t let it get to me, instead, I found a way to cope with all of my stress, and frustration, by running.

Running helped me focus on my breathing, my posture, and my music. But it mostly helped me push all the thoughts, I didn’t want to think about, away.

But having said that, I regret it so much, because I never fully acknowledged that my love for running, allowed me to think that running was good when all I was doing was running away from the problems I didn’t want to confront.

But just like the situation with my Aunt, I always stayed by my Mom’s side afraid of losing her. I stopped running, for both my own sake and for my family’s, because I wanted them to know that I love them, especially my mom.

But, thanks to these experiences I have learned that life can’t always be a straight road, instead there will always be a bend in the road.

Category: Martha, Sept 2017, Uncategorized | LEAVE A COMMENT

November 9

Tata <3

You mean the WORLD to me.

Like, rain makes rainbows

In the naked sky

Like, spring makes flowers

Bloom in the sun

The same way

You made me feel alive

You are a cozy blanket for me in the winter

And a soft breeze of air in the summer

You are the love of my life, my hero, and my guardian angel

My strength and

My weakness

My life is dedicated to my best friend, my hero, the man I love most. He means everything to me. The years where he could reach out and hold my hand have faded, and he only lives on in my memories, my words, my soul.

You know how someone will tell you that you don’t realize the value of things until they disappear? That what you take for granted in the morning is never seen of again by night? I have never stopped and thought about what I have done to deserve his love,

and his unceasing support. He is someone I have looked up to and will continue looking up to for infinity and more, both figuratively and literally. He is my guardian angel.

I miss him. Maybe I miss him a little too much. I didn’t speak to him every day when he was alive, but I guess just knowing he was there was enough for me to go through my day with a smile on my face.

I miss him because of his smile. I miss the way I could talk to him about just the most random topics on this planet. I miss the fact that he was just there for me. I miss the little gestures he made whenever he wanted something. The way he turned his index finger when he wanted me to turn off the fan for him. The way he played air piano with one hand when he needed the remote. But what I really miss? Love.

He loved me more than a father, took care of me better than a mother, protected me better than a brother and stood by my better than a sister. He never let me feel like I was rejected and unworthy. He gave me a voice, a life and everything I am today or ever will be because of his love and affection. He wasn’t the most educated person in my life but he still taught me some of the life’s most valuable lessons. He taught me to love myself, he taught me to accept myself, he taught me the difference between right and wrong, and most of all he taught me to believe in myself.

He loved me more than I think I will ever love myself. He took me in when the entire world rejected me. It was the two of us against the world and yet I felt the most powerful with him.

I guess that’s the power of love.

He showered me with unconditional love. And now it’s something I feel incomplete without, yet I still feel his presence. I still feel him smiling at me from the stars above. I feel empty without him in my life; it was like darkness fell over my life within seconds, to the point where now I am blinded by the light. But I’m learning to live again, to live happily without him in my life and I know that he will always be there for me.

If there is one thing I’m proud of is being called his granddaughter.

Category: Sept 2017, Suhaani | LEAVE A COMMENT

October 1

Polished Visual- Vicious World

“Boom, Boom”, my eyes went wide open as l woke up and heard the sound. “Boom, boom” l heard that noise again and then l knew , it was the sound of our freedom being ripped away from us , the cry for help and the cry for our loved ones as the bombs and guns went off. I knew that no one was safe anymore, no one was ever safe in this dangerous world that is full of hatred.

At that moment it reminded me about my parents , how they had been killed few years back during the time soldiers of our country decided to abandon their people and let us suffer by killing us with their military weapons.

My hatred grew , for myself, my dead parents who were shot and for them leaving me to take care of my brother Jordan. Everyday l prayed to God asking him “Why lord? what have your people done to deserve this kind of suffering, why God”. “Jordan, Jordan” l called out from my room “start packing boy, we have to move fast before they find us here and kill us”. My brother was the only family l had left. “Boom, boom” that sound again l heard it from afar, l knew we had to act fast before they reach our neighborhood.

Moving from city to city for the past nineteen years of my life was something that was not new anymore. It was only a matter of time until l realized that this country was never safe and l made a decision that the best opinion for my brother and l being safe was for us move to the next country and never look back.

“Legacy”, they said people wanted to leave a legacy for themselves before they could die how can you leave a legacy when we all die the same. The only legacy that is being left is that, ‘that woman or man died in the bombing trying to save their own lives. Is this time for people to be selfish and save their own lives or come together and try to save each other.

“Boom, boom” that sound again was reaching near. “Jordan, are you there” l was getting nervous because l have not heard from my brother. I ran up to his room to look for him but only to find an empty room. “Oh boy, where could he have gone”, my heartbeat was beating fast and l had started sobbing. I took my bags and Jordan and l ran because l knew that he was playing soccer up in the north shore. “Jordan, Jordan”

I could see him from a distance . As l was approaching him l saw a man holding a gun . As Jordan started chasing the soccer ball, l ran as fast as l could because he was running towards the gun man. “Boom, boom” l heard the noise again but this time it was different because it seemed really close. Everything around me went dark and l knew then it was over, i felt my whole world come falling down on my feet and that was it……

Category: Nicole, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

September 27

Assignment 1: Visual Reflection

Assignment 1: Visual Reflection

Creative: interior monologue

Exam: January 2015

This, so called town, is extremely small and is falling apart. I feel terrible that I have to be here, honesty I don’t know how much more I can take. It is so rough and to see these little kids running around without shoes on. But yet they still have the biggest smile on their face because this is the only life they know.

I have come overseas, leaving my family and friends, to help maintain this town. I miss them so much especially including my wife, Sauvneet along with my two kids; Abdule and Harsh. We live back in Canada and it has been 7 years there and we love it. Personally we wouldn’t want to live anywhere else; it is so welcoming.

Most of the kids tend to keep their distance from me because, as my job, I have to carry around a gun in case someone attacks. The third world countries have been getting worst in the sense that they aren’t free anymore, they can’t do what they want. It’s all a dictatorship, but I am just here to protect not to live. The conditions of this town are so poor; they play soccer without shoes but yet its so hot with nice palm trees. Such a warm climate but its a very polluted and low economy, i just feel so bad for them.

It is incredible how much hardships one town can truly go through. I’ve never lived in a town so small, so beat up and so weak. I can’t imagine what some of these kids are going through, I’m glad my kids are growing up in Canada where they are safe and secure from the world out there.

I’ve never been one to take life for granted but after being sent to this town of Sibernes, I realized how good my life actually is. I must be thankful because Canada is so great, I don’t know where I would be without such a good country, it is honestly so safe.

All these kids, old and young, playing soccer without shoes because they can afford them and they don’t understand. Soccer is one of the only things keeping them going and is one of the few things they can do during their day. Time is running out for these kids and they don’t realize, next thing they know they will be working and having their own kids. It honestly is such a fast cycle and they are growing up in poverty.

I can’t do much else but do my job and protect them the best I can. If I could I would do so much more including; rebuild many buildings and structures, give some of these kids shoes, and maybe build them a soccer arena. This way they would truly realize how much a life can mean to them, understand the little things in life.

These poor kids! This is your life and you can’t do much about it, but neither can I…

Category: Chantelle | 2 Comments

October 15

A Frame of Remembrance

I clenched it a bit harder. I pulled it closer to my heart as tear dropped from my cheek to the ground. I held the frame with the picture of me and my late grandmother in my hand, something that I had cherished for three years of learning to live without her. I pulled it back where I could look at it in full view, I remember us talking, laughing, and crying together. I remember like it was yesterday, when I heard about this heart-breaking news, that my grandmother didn’t make it, and it was then, when I realized to cherish your moments with your loved ones, because those times will not return.

I slowly crept up the stairs to investigate what was going on, my feet trembling against the cold hardwood floor and my hands shaking with fright. I wondered why my poor mother was crying at this time of day; although, it was not that odd for her to get a little emotional from time to time, I sensed something was wrong. I held the wooden rail to support my weight and made an attempt to further lift myself up the stairs and face the scene.

I finally reached my destination and found my mother shedding tears in a way that was unfamiliar to me, her face red, mucus rushing down her nose, and drenched eyes. I sat across from her on the black-leather couches, which were quite chilly because of the cold winter day. I watched her speak to someone on the phone, as I felt a bit more trapped as the time flied. I waited.

After a few dreadful moments, my mother came to me and held me in a behavior I have never felt before, filled with love and grief and the same time. I felt suffocated as the cold blood from my body rushed through my veins and pierced my heart; I internally begged her to speak. Finally, my mother grasped enough courage from the air and spoke something that I won’t ever forget my entire life, “Grandma has passed away.”

I sat, still in shock, trying to comprehend what I just heard. After a few moments, I wailed at the top of my lungs, my head spinning around, my eyes filled with liquid, and my heart raced, like a train going faster and faster. Water dripped from my eyes, to my cheeks, to my face, and my shirt filled with mucus and tears. All the memories filled my head: the walks we took, the stories we shared, the meal we shared, and the love for each other we possessed. I was shocked. I felt betrayed. I yelled at myself for never doing anything for her, even though she did everything for me. Despite her old age, she raised, fed, and took care of me, gave me more love than my parents. I knew right away that I would never find that love somewhere else; furthermore, I did not know what to do with my life anymore. I knew that I had forgotten how to live.

After a couple of hours, I finally took control of my emotions and walked over to my room, where I found myself in memory lane. I thought about the moments in life we had, and everything came crashing at once. I regained control of myself and missed my dear grandmother, I wondered if it was the doctor’s fault, maybe it was my family’s fault, maybe it was her fault. She was fine a couple of days ago when I talked to her on the phone, what had happened that this unfortunate incident took place. Despite all this, I knew she was in a better place now, a place where there is no sadness, and no pain.

After almost three years, I look back and remember this unfortunate day. I put the frame back where it belonged, on my night table, to remind myself that she is still in existence and right by my side. Even though I miss and still love her with all my hearts, I have learned to live without her even though it is not the same. That was my first time I dealt with the death of someone so dear to me, and now I have realized to cherish these moments and do anything you can for your loved ones, because you will not get a second chance.

Category: Abhi, Uncategorized | LEAVE A COMMENT

Hunni Blog 30-2

Building Voices one Blog Post at a Time!