January 18

Polished Lit Exploration

The Future

An individual who faces adversity in their life can stumble over problems and be motivated to get back up and accomplish their dream. Jeannette Walls clearly states this in the novel, The Glass Castle, when Jeanette faces many hardships and adversities in her life and wishes for a fresh start so she moves to New York to start over. An individual who grew up in a childhood full of hardships will be more motivated to become a successful person in their future. In an individual’s life, adversities can affect the way you look at your future of your current situation. In the novel, The Glass Castle, Jeanette and her family faced a problem when the bill collectors would come after them because Rex, Jeanette’s father, would fail to pay because of financial problems. Instead of getting money and pay for their bills, Rex decided to do what they called the “skedaddle” and run from them. This showed Jeanette what kind of a person Rex was because he avoided all the situations in his life rather than coming to his senses and paying them. Jeanette hated doing the skedaddle because right when she was settled into their new place, they would have to leave after a short period of time. Jeanette wasn’t like her dad, she was the total opposite. Jeanette faced her problems unlike Rex who ran from them. The skedaddle was one of the adversities Jeanette faced in her childhood and changed her viewpoint of approaching problems like this.

Hope is the starting point of bringing change into an individual’s life who has dreams and aspirations of becoming something else. In the novel, Jeanette and her little brother Brian wish to move out of the Walls family house to New York. After facing all the problems they have had, the both wish to bring change to their life. Jeanette and Brian both start depositing money into their piggy bank that Jeanette bought from the store. The money they collect would go towards their expenses on their journey to New York. Rex is the main problem they face because when he had run out of money, he smashed the piggy bank on the ground and took all the money inside. Jeanette and Brian’s hope to move out of their house has taken a step back because of their father Rex. The adversities that they are facing are extreme because whenever Jeanette and Brian have a hope or a dream, it gets crushed by somebody. Falling down and getting back up is something that Jeanette and Brian do in order for their hopes and dreams to come true. Eventually, Rex pays them back and their hopes are back on track.

Everybody has a dream in their life whether it be to move somewhere, be something, or to do something. In the novel, Jeanette has finally taken a bus from the Walls family house to New York. She goes to school for a bit and ends up finding a job as a journalist. Eventually, all members of her family end up also moving to New York or somewhere close by. As time goes by, Rex passes away, Brian gets a job as a cop, and Jeanette finds a husband and lives with him on the countryside but still goes to her office once a week. Jeanette and the Walls family have been through a lot of hardships and adversities in their past but overcame them and now live without them. Jeanette has came from being a little girl who lived in poverty for most of her life to becoming self-sufficient and working hard to get to where she is today. The hops and dreams have come true for her due to her hard work and dedication to become something from nothing.

The Walls family has been through some rough patches and somehow been able to overcome them. The problems they faced had a big impact on how successful Jeanette is today because she realized how hard it was to live in poverty and she needed to hustle and grind in order to live a normal life. Dreams, hopes, and aspirations all do come true if an individual is dedicated enough and is willing to put in hard work to achieve it.

 

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January 10

Found my Future

 

(Sorry about the cheesy song)

I have always struggled with my identity. Switching back and forth from sports, school and church have made it challenging for me to decide on who I am because of the different social environments I have grown up in. Within each environment, I did continue to have my selfless caring perspective towards people. The different environments gave me multi-personalities and made me grow as an individual. From my talents and skills, struggling academics and Christianity I have learned that no matter what point I am in my life I am still going to put others before myself.

 

Growing up I was given so many opportunities by my parents to figure out my interests. Even though I was inclined to these opportunities they were often cut short depending on my sisters. Once my sisters could not do a sport such as gymnastics, soccer and/or skating that meant I was done with it too. It wasn’t because I was trying to be like them but because it was just easier for my family. My identity has been based on the choices of others and until this past year, I did not realize the consequences with me not taking more of a part in the decisions in my life. Having other people decide for me seemed better because it appeared only right to put others wants and needs before my own. Over time my care for others has both harmed and strengthened me. It has given me a purpose in life but also destroyed my individuality causing me to struggle especially as a soon to be graduate. Last year in leadership we did many skills and interests test to see what careers we might flourish in but as I saw my options I knew I was limited to only a few of them.

My academic have never been a strong suit because of my ADHD and anxiety so being a doctor, a nurse or really anything medical it was unlikely to happen. So once that cut my list to half I started to research the rest. A lot of them required large fees and others that excited me like a police officer or firefighter my mom refused I could do. So I came to the terms that I at least knew three things. I like to help people, I have been coaching and babysitting kids for years and I enjoy it and people with learning or physical disabilities fascinate me. So over the past summer, I have come to the conclusion on what I wanted to work towards. I had finally chosen something for myself. Yes, it was based on others wants and my limited options but I still proud of myself that I had made a decision that no sister, brother, academics or religion can’t stop me from pursuing it. So hopefully by next fall, I will be enrolled in education for four years before getting my after grad in……Special Education.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Over time my support for others has both harmed and strengthened me. It has given me a purpose in life but also destroyed me as an individual. Simply questions become indecisive without other individuals approval or opinion to consider, the willingness to alter values and morals in order to get peer acceptance is viewed as true and the expectation when being a leader to make choices when others cannot make a consensus is a struggle.

December 2

Struggles with Self-identity

Distortion Focus by Jaeha Park

https://www.saatchiart.com/art/Drawing-Distortion-focus/800577/4083786/view

“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”

Stephen Chbosky

Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

What represents me as a person?

Questions that each individual will experience at some point of their life.

What makes up me as a character of my own?

Outside of culture, religion, and background: Who am I?

In my personal life, finding my sense of identity is a struggle; finding a part of me that is constantly there, represented in my actions throughout day-to-day life without trying. As if the future upon our shoulders: transitioning from an aloof, innocent children into successful, independent beings, wasn’t heavy enough; the constant struggle and suffocating feeling in finding myself: my sense of identity, and what makes up me as a person. This idea of needing stability charges in full force, expects me to accept the pieces that make up me as an individual when I, myself, do not even know who I am.

When I haven’t come to terms with my sense of identity, how do I represent myself to others?
Is it wrong to compromise my sense of identity, coming up with an idea of how I want to be known without knowing whether or not it’s genuinely what I believe? What is expected of me as I continue to grow and find my way around? The constant pressure brought upon myself because I still haven’t found myself and my goals.

Having friends and family around gives me a sense of reassurance and comfort in thinking ¨It’s okay for now, you’re still young,¨ but at the same time, I can’t escape the constant pressure of feeling like I’m so far behind every one of them because they all have a shining aura of their unique identities while I, on the other hand, am inconsistent in the way I behave and think, left in the shadows by the ones who walk in front of me. Wanting to be like one or the other, friendly and easy to approach, or a part of a group, but often in the end: switching last minute into an embodiment of discomfort, social awkwardness, and isolation.
Stuck in a cage of my doubt, a prison of my own pride; I don’t want to stay feeling so incomplete.

What holds me back from finding my sense of identity… is constant inconsistency.

What holds me back from finding my sense of identity… is fear of not knowing who I will become because of who I’m not today.

But…

At the same time…

What also holds me back from finding my sense of identity… is wondering if having an established sense of identity is more pressuring than having a non-defined identity, needing to act as who I portrayed myself to be, maintaining a consistent image.

All of these mixed ideas and feelings of who I am and who I should be. Is it wrong of me to feel stuck in the land of uncertainty?

In the end, all of this could just be overthinking.

Perhaps one day I’ll find something that will make me feel whole.
An identity that I can call my own.
But until that day,
I’ll keep walking on this current path,
with infinite possibilities,
on the journey of figuring out my sense of identity,
whilst accepting all the flawed and disorienting pieces that create my portrait.

September 13

The Sun Will Rise

I believe in endless tomorrows.

A lifetime of new beginnings.

The past is a beast. Holding a tight grip on my memories, tainting them in a way I can never reverse. It destroyed the good that was once in them into a distorted nightmare I cannot escape. My memories used to be a comfort for me- showing me a sweeter time of innocence. But now, it is just a constant reminder of everything I have done wrong with my life, never being able to rewrite the mistakes.

The present is no better.

“Live in the present,” they say. But, all I hear is, “embrace confusion.”

It is a blindfold across my eyes, forcing me to blindly trust where it is taking me.The present is a confusing place where nothing is for certain and aimless confusion is your guide for a better tomorrow. But I don’t want trust. I want control on my own destiny.

That is why I believe in tomorrow.

It is a safety blanket for me. It does not matter if it will be a day away or years away, the future will be brighter. The sun rising is my reminder that the morning is a fresh start for me. All the colours swirling together in a beautiful burst that will not be seen throughout the rest of the day. It brings serenity to me as I realize it’s a new day to be a better person and to rewrite the mistakes of the past. Tomorrow is a safe place where everything will be alright- it doesn’t matter whether the actual tomorrow is this way, it just matters that I have a small, little promise with myself that everything will be alright.

I hold onto the belief of a brighter future. I tell myself that everything will work out. I like to imagine myself in the future- a couple years older, living by myself, doing what I want to do. It will be a time when I’m happy and safe, no longer holding onto the dread of the present or the past.

Because, to live in a world of dread is to not live.

Tomorrow, I will take on all of these things. I will be unstoppable.     

-Marie Lu

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January 11

Polished Literary Exploration: Dreams

June 2014: What is your opinion of the idea that the influence of others can have a lasting effect?

When people are under the influence of somebody who is close to them, those words that they say or express to one another are more impactful. The idea of this can be shown in the given excerpt, I Beat the Odds, by Michael Oher and in A River Runs Through It directed by Robert Redford, it is shown through the characters of Reverend Maclean and Norman. When people are given a sense of change that can distort their way of life, it can cause a case of a change in order to meet certain guidelines creating that long lasting effect upon an individual.

At a young age, children are more vulnerable to new ideas and are able to create beliefs most easily based off of what they see or hear. In the excerpt of I Beat the Odds, Michael Oher is an NFL player who was greatly influenced by his fourth-grade teacher, Ms. Verlene Logan. She states, “One day, you’ll make big money because you are too fast!”, which helped create influence within Michael since he has fully taken those words and carried out her statement. She had great optimism towards everybody that she taught as she something in everybody. She knew that one day, Michael was going to be big and did not want him from achieving athletic success. The influence of his teacher has shaped his later life since she was so persistent in making his talent develop. At a young age, he did not appreciate the effect that his teacher gave to him, but in the end, he carried out those words through his life as he always held them close to him. People who are the closest to us, the ones that we value the most, have more of an impact as they are the ones that see the truth within and are able to notice what is the greatest strength or virtue.

When an individual protests against something and is persistent, it can lead to differing beliefs among people. Within A River Runs Through It, Paul, at his young age, refuses to eat his oatmeal for hours, and sits in protest towards his father. Eventually, his father gives up and releases Paul from the dinner table. His father, being a minister at the church, and being a huge believer for faith, wished for forgiveness for Paul. At a young age, Paul had developed this sense of a rebel nature in the society which created an impact on his entire family, mainly his father. Over time, Reverend Maclean felt like he had lost a sense of connection with Paul since he was always off doing his own thing. It was to the point where it made Reverend lose a sense of connection with Paul and his faith that he holds. It also has a sense of feeling that none of his sons are going to try and follow in his footsteps of being a minister which further makes Reverend feel a sense of failure in exposing the faith to his children. When people do not appeal to certain beliefs of those close to them, it can cause change into how one will interact and view themselves.

Individuals can take the people who are close to them and hold the values they share and it can help identify and shape their life in order to have them close. In A River Runs Through It, Reverend Maclean, disapproves of Norman’s decision of wanting to enroll into forestry as a profession and Norman was quick to change his mind in order to please his father. When his father took out his red pen, in the past, it was used to correct Norman’s mistakes in his writing. Unlike his brother Paul, Norman respects and takes his father’s words and faith close to him which he used to help shape himself as an individual despite needing to go against his ideals. His father helped Norman as a child and Norman is still under his father’s arms even though he is much older and an adult who can be capable of making his own choices in life. If Norman chose to go against his father’s wishes, it creates a sense of lost honor to his father which he does not want to happen. Within society, people are more inclined to listen to their parents as this is a natural belief. People are often quick to make decisions that are to please people in their families.They are not likely to go against their truly loved one’s values and beliefs and it can create a sense of disconnect from one another.

People who change in order to take the words of others develop differently in order to have them close to them at all times. Usually, at a young age, people are more capable of taking in values and beliefs of others they hold true to them for the future. Within life, the people around often have different values that hold true to them and people need to know when to have the freedom to chose the values that they truly believe and not to be mindless about their ideologies.