Peace Within the War- Visual Response

Theme Statement: In times of despair the slightest act of kindness can make an individual reconnect with ones true self.

During the Korean War of 1952, I had to go fight at the age of 17 unaware what I might see on the other side of the world. I was assigned to General Kurt’s troop to shadow the General himself and to assist him in whatever he needed. When I arrived to Korea I was approached by a Sargent who then took me to the General I had to follow. As soon as I arrived to the General’s tent he gave me some equipment and we headed out for the trenches.

The trenches were muddy, cold and uncomfortable. There were soldiers who looked like living zombies. General Kurt told me to load up the guns and hand one to him when he was ready. Next thing I heard were two gun shots, “BANG BANG”, and a flash coming from over the wall of the trench. The enemies were sending fire, which was our signal to get the soldiers ready to fight. This included me. I grabbed a gun for the General and I ; then, looked at the gun grasped within my cold shaking hands. I have never killed someone before. I started to panic, my blood was rushing through my body like a river, I felt like I was going crazy, I was having troubles hearing and breathing.

“Michael…. Michael…..”

The General was trying to wake me from my haze his voice, quiet and faint then got louder each time.

“Michael!”

I finally snapped out of it and he told me to relax and to not worry; he said that by shooting in the enemies direction you are helping even if not a single bullet kills them.

After a few bullets were shared between both sides we sank back down into the trenches and waited for another round. As we sat on the muddy ground there was a faint cry from an animal, it sounded like a kitten. General Kurt starts crawling closer to the sounds and had found an abandoned kitten stuck under some debris. He gently picked up the kitten and told me to get him some food from the bag; scurrying through the bag I finally found some and quickly handed it to him. With one hand he held the injured kitten and in the other slowly feeding the kitten back to better health. The black and white ball of fluff started to open its eyes and looked better then before.

A few minutes later guns started to fire again.

The General handed me the kitten and said, “Michael I want you to to take this kitten and stay safe do not follow me that is an order. And if I don’t make it back by the end of this war tell my story to my family and hand them this kitten as proof.”

“Yes sir!” there was no time for questions but my brain was flowing with them.

He then placed his helmet on his head, grabbed his gun and some ammo, then jump over the trench wall onto the the field. All I could hear were gunshots and the cry of the little kitten against my chest.

The war had ended, I tried to stay as safe as possible but was carried to the emergency a few months later due to an injured leg which had to get amputated. When it was time to head home I made sure I followed the General’s order and went to tell the story to his family. On the way there all I could think of was how, in times of despair, the General took his time to be a human again to help out a little kitten who would have died like the rest of us. I walked up to the door, knocked, and two young boys answered the door with a smile that then faded when I asked to see their mother. I told them what had happened to John Kurt and his story of him being the hero of the war through my eyes.

One of the boys asked me, “Was my daddy a good soldier?”

I answered with a soft smile, “Your father was a great soldier and an even better man who loved you very much.” I then reached inside my bag and handed them the kitten that had been saved by their father.

Category: Elena, Sept 2018 | LEAVE A COMMENT

October 29

“Why Is It That The People Who Need The Most Help, Won’t Take It?”

Image result for reaching out for help image

There will be a point in everyone’s life where they will feel hopelessness rest upon their mind. Often times, this emotion can constantly run through their minds, depending on how serious their problems are.

We’ve been taught from an early age that if we ever find ourselves in a position where we’re unsure of the next step, afraid, or simply in need to talk to someone about our problems, we should reach out to someone that we can trust to hold our vulnerableness.

Unfortunately, for some, reaching out for help is not a step that they would usually take. For these types of individuals, there are many reasons as to why they do not seek the help they need–even when they are in desperate need of it. In some instances, reaching out for help may be considered a sign of weakness for the individual. Depending on the person, they themselves may carry a certain persona around to ensure that they do not look weak towards others. Overtime, this toxic habit may lead to damaging effects; such as having mental breakdowns, and ultimately making the situation worse emotionally and mentally. Another reason would be because they are afraid to ask for help. The individual may acknowledge and recognize that they have an underlying issue that needs to be solved, but are not sure how to attain a proper support network–in fears that may stem from the idea of being judged, criticized, and segregated from others around them.

In my case, I have seen many instances where I’ve encountered people who avoid getting the help they need because they are afraid of the consequences. One of these encounters happens to be a close friend of mine. This friend constantly helped people, but never herself. Her priorities were to always help the people around her first before helping herself–eventually neglecting herself in the end. This toxic behavior not only lead to neglection of personal needs, but also, the downfall of her mental health. When her mental health had finally deteriorated, she sought to me for advice and help. I then asked, what took so long for her to reach out, and she answered:

“Because I’m afraid of people judging me after I tell them my problems.”

This was when I understood that she was afraid of the aftermath. She was scared to trust the people around her–even her siblings and parents. She continued to act strong to trick herself into believing she was alright; when in reality, she wasn’t.

Although this may not be the case for everyone, a significant reason as to why the people who need the most help but don’t reach for it, is because they have yet to find an answer to this question:

“Who can I trust?”

And only once this question is answered, will they find a way to get the help they need in order to establish a stable supportive network.

image:

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwj7q8iuyq7eAhUZGTQIHal6AhEQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Finspiritedminds.org.uk%2F2017%2F08%2F29%2Freaching-out-for-help%2F&psig=AOvVaw3nXRDP63D7k-j8OdZCat4c&ust=1541003182777619, accessed October 30, 2018, Title: Reaching Out For Help?

Category: Angela, Sept 2018 | 2 Comments

January 14

I still wonder….. (Free Choice)

Dear Diary,

It was a dark sunny day today. I was trying to cross a double road on a highway. Yeah, I know what you are thinking, it has been just been a few weeks since I came back to India and I’m already breaking all the rules but I was in a hurry to help the man with a young child across the road, who was about one year younger than Sparsh I believe, who just turned 5 in October. It took me approximately ten minutes to reach the opposite side because it was a highway and rush hour, so everyone was trying to get home to their families.I guess it was then that it hit me what a cruel world we live in. About a 100 cars should have passed from the time I noticed those two people and no one even tried to help them. Who knows how many hours, days or weeks, they had been sitting there. I had some snacks in one hand and water bottles in the other hand.

I gave it to that man as soon as I got through the traffic I will never forget the smile on that man’s face. He thanked me and told me I would live a beautiful life. There was only one question in my mind all the way back home, Why didn’t anyone just stop and help that man? Why is everyone so wound up in their own worlds and are so selfish that they couldn’t even spend 30 rupees on some snacks and water bottles. If nothing, they would have made them smile and gained well-wishes of an innocent man and his child. It broke my heart when I saw that young boy, he didn’t deserve that life.

When I finally reached home my grandma could see I was in despair and agony, I went straight to my room and laid down on my back just thinking. She came in with my lunch and asked me everything was okay, I told asked her the same question that was on my mind. Why didn’t anyone stop to help that man? She had no answer for that either. She said, “My father always used to tell me a story that his mom told him.” “Do you remember everytime we go to our village and I see people outside the temple and I offer them everything I have in my hand and in my purse.” I said, “yeah, you did that when I was young, even though we didn’t have enough to eat back home, you would never say no to those in need.” She then told me the reason behind it, “If that man in the uniform who was fighting against us, protecting his country had not given my granddad the water bottle I can’t image how he would have survived in that hell hole.”

At that time my dad was only 2 or 3 years old, I can’t remember now but my grandfather told me when we got the water bottle from the man in that uniform, my granddad respected him more than he ever respected anyone. Because that man in that uniform was the only one who saw my dad as a human in need and not as the enemy. Many men walked by without acknowledging them but he stopped and offered them the bottle of water. It wasn´t a lot but it was more than enough. My dad also told me that the water wasn’t for himself or for mom it was for the children that were with him. “Genes I guess.” They weren’t his own but he saw that they were in need and didn’t think twice about it and offered it to those children.

Everytime I heard this story from my dad it would compel me to help more and more people. I had never seen my grandma in tears in a long time. That was first when she was talking about her granddad. As she looked up at me, she could see I had tears running down both my eyes, I still remember those soft fragile hands that wiped my tears and said “Look Chinni, (my nickname) we can’t control how other people handle things and how they react to it, maybe there are helping in other ways, ways we are not aware of. Only thing is that we can’t control anything. It is how we react when we see someone in need that’s what really matters. “Are you gonna be the soldier who offered my granddad water bottle or are you going to be those who didn’t acknowledge they were there.”

She looked up at me and as she wiped her own tears and said to me “I am proud of you Suhaani for helping that man and his child out in ways you could. Now come on eat something.” As my grandma was feeding me, I thought about how absolutely lucky I was to have a meal 3 times a day and have water whenever I needed and that man and his child- no one cared how long it had been since they had their last meal or even seen a meal in days.

I went back again after eating my lunch to take them to a decent place and buy them a meal. But by the time I reached, they were gone… That young child had done nothing wrong to be living that way. I may never seem them again but all I hope is that the young boy gets everything in this world everything he deserves and wants.

Category: Sept 2017, Suhaani, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

January 11

Polished Literary Exploration – Effects on Us

Effects on Us

Many individuals influence us throughout our lives. Though not all individuals have positive effects on us, we always learn something from their actions. Some of them, we forget lifelong bonds with, and some we wish we never knew. Some people have been an influence on us from the day we are born and other arriving only days before we pass. This idea is demonstrated in the short story, I Beat The Odds by Michael Oher. Oher describes the influence his elementary teacher had on him as a child. As well, this is explored in the film, A River Runs Through It, directed by Robert Redford, where Reverend Maclean, who is a Presbyterian minister in Missoula, Montana, influenced his son Norman’s life and his pathway. These two pieces show how a small gesture from one person can change an individual’s life for the better or worse.

In the excerpt from I Beat The Odds by Michael Oher, his elementary teacher, Ms. Verlene Logan, inspired a young boy. He will always remember her kind and courageous words since she has positively impacted and influenced his life. She helped build confidence and courage in her students through her sweet and gentle words, which taught them to not be afraid of being themselves. Her words, “Can’t never could and ain’t never would” will stick with Michael Oher till his last breath. She did this because she believed that every student is capable of achieving great things in life, therefore, helping them boost their self-esteem and confidence will only leave a positive impact and influence on the lives of her students. Ms. Verlene Logan always encouraged him to improve upon what he is struggling with and never give up on his sports. She believed that he could accomplish anything he wanted to in life and also be the person he wanted to be only if he believed in himself. The influence she had on him, to never look down on himself or others, will always stay with him. Because of her words and gestures, Michael is now someone who never gave up on his dreams, never gave up in trying to be the best version of him, and never gave up on making Ms. Verlene Logan proud. When someone has such a great influence on you from a young age, you remember them during your greatest successes and you imagine how proud you made them feel, but during your greatest downfalls, you remember the things they told you: to keep going until you reach your full potential.

In the film, A River Runs Through It, directed by Robert Redford, Reverend Maclean has a great influence on his children, more on Norman than on Paul. Norman from a young age has sought for his father’s approval in his life. When Norman returns home after six years of studies, he decides he wants to be a forest servicer, but while talking to his father in his office, he has flashbacks to when he was a young child entering into his father’s office with a piece of paper to get his father’s approval; Norman keeps trying until his father is pleased. At that time, Reverend Maclean is correcting Norman’s writing with a red pen and after many years, Reverend Maclean has this red pen in his hand while talking to Norman in his office to correct his “mistakes” and to get him on the right path. When Norman mentions he wants to be in the forest service, he is seeking his father’s approval. When he doesn’t receive the encouragement, he then mentions that he has applied to universities as a professor in Chicago, and suddenly, the environment feels relaxed. Reverend Maclean has great authority over Norman’s life when it comes to his well being and success. The actions of his father overpowering him influences his decisions and it encourages him to be a better person by choosing a career path that is right for him. Norman definitely feels defeated and powerless about the way his father takes the lead in his life, but he is well aware of the positive effect it will have on him and his family in the near future – the one that includes security, prosperity and a decent quality of life.

Many people have influenced my life, in ways that have helped me become a better person but also in ways I wish I could leave behind and forget. But both the positive and negative influences have helped me become who I am as an individual today. The biggest influence on my life is my best friend, and my greatest strength and weakness: my brother, Sushant. We were the ideal siblings in our town, we never fought, and we never had an argument till a year ago. He is the one person I can be honest with about anything happening in my life without having the fear of judgment. Before we came to Canada, my aunties, uncles and grandparents gave me a little pep talk about obeying my parents and respecting them always, and along with that, not forgetting my roots. But the talk I had with my brother is one that I still recall to this day whenever I am in need of him and he is not here with me physically. He told me to forget everything they had told me and to just “follow your heart.” He told me to not be afraid of judgment or ever think about fitting in with the rest of society since I have enough self-respect to not task for other’s approvals. He promised me that he will be there for me when I just need him to tell me who I am and what I am capable of because. He knows me better than anyone and that is why his opinion matters the most. He told me I will face people who are going to do everything in their power to bring me down because they have and still are trying to bring me down. But because of his words, promises and advice, I am still standing tall and not letting others affect me. He inspires me to be myself and be the best version of me. His influence on me has always helped me, is helping me, and will continue to help me through all the obstacles I face in life.

Once someone has influenced you, it will stay with you forever, whether it is in a positive or negative way. Michael Oher will always remember Ms. Verlene Logan’s words and her advice throughout his life, therefore, he will continue to improve on his abilities. Norman will always be thankful and grateful to his father and his encouraging words, even though at times, his words made Norman powerless and defeated. I will always admire my brother’s words, follow them, and remember them when the sky turns starless and the light turns into darkness. Influences are powerful and most of them will last till our last breath because they help us improve our abilities and they help us become better individuals at the end of the day.

Category: Sept 2017, Suhaani | LEAVE A COMMENT

September 27

The Story of Cue-raw

by: Nathan V

I stand here alone, guarding my post, looking around i see buildings obliterated by who knows what, to my right there is a old living complex, to my left, nothing but a mind field of dead soldiers. I, me, i was the only one left. Behind me there are a few children playing soccer, there was no soccer field, yet the children managed to play. They seemed to be unaware of the battle field that lay around them.

I watched them play there game for a bit they seemed quite into the game. In fact, the one child, the one with short brown hair had kicked the ball to the extent that his shoe flew off! It landed about five or so feet from me. I watched him intensely as he ran to go get his shoe and their ball. He was not concerned by my look as my eyes were concealed behind the sunglasses I had been wearing. I watched them for a while. They seemed to always be cheering and always happy. I thought to myself that they must not know what is about to happen, for some time I thought about telling them but decided against it.

Two hours went by, I waited and waited, the kids went on with their game while I stood alone at my post gripping my weapon for what was about to come. Suddenly, a rumble came from the streets ahead the children now seemed to notice what might come of their lives. They shot me a look of concern as I raised my gun, they quickly grabbed their ball and cowered in a near building behind me. I was scared to; I wanted to run; I wanted to live. I thought about what I would have to do as soon as I saw the men wearing the blue uniforms. Before I had time to finish my thought there they were rushing down the streets there must have been fifty men. It was like a wall of death wherever they walked, people died. I was ready and aiming, I only had a few more seconds to wait before they were in range. I was unnoticed and very scared. The men came closer and closer I then cocked my gun. Only having one clip I knew that with excellent accuracy I could only kill about thirty men, I then knew I was going to die.

I emptied my gun into the enemy lines killing thirty five men, I looked back and saw the children. They gave me a look of hope, a hope that they might all survive. I then cowered behind a concrete barricade I was very close to the children now. The one boy then spoke “are we going to see our family again,” this nearly brought me to tears. I told them, “I didn’t know”. Saying such ended my hidden emotions as tears dripped down my face. Well, we embraced in a hug; I felt something in the boy’s pocket, I thought to myself, no, it can’t be. I then asked him what he had in his pocket. He said that he had found it and took it from his father as he pulled it out. It was a grenade! In all my luck how could it be! A grenade! He now stood a chance against the fifteen men I rushed the boys into a building and rushed them up a set of stairs the men now saw their location and chased after them in hot pursuit, the kids hide under a bed as instructed not knowing what was about to happen. I pulled the pin on the grenade without having time to wish the children goodbye. I jumped down the stairs into the group of blue uniformed soldiers, killing them all along with myself for the life of the children.

The children that I had not known. My legacy lives on in the village of Cue-raw. The two children that I saved now protect the village watching over the kids in the nearby soccer court, as life goes on.

Category: Nathan, Sept 2017 | 2 Comments

September 22

Life Philosophy – Chantelle Farley

Just because there isn’t a goalie doesn’t mean you cant score.

In life we all need to keep it going even when there is something in the way. Don’t let anything get to you or stop you. Its not always a goalie that is going to be in your way but you have to look at things in a different way to get around it.

Image result for young goalie hockey

Never give up.

No one ever should give up. You may get really close to it like i was in quitting hockey. I was always the one to stand out because i was a girl who played a “boys” sport and got picked on a lot. At a certain point in grade 8 when i had other hockey players in my class I was ready to quite hockey because I was so done. I am thankful that i never gave up but it got to me that year. It was a rough year and I always think back to that year and remember that i almost quite the thing I love so much. Hockey is legit my everything and I don’t know where i would be today without it.

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Go 110% always.

Accomplish things with the utmost effort you can. never settle for anything less because everyone knows you can do it. Always try your best and it will truly pay off in the end.

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Love will somehow find its way.

Not just love like relationship but love is all around it and it is always by our side. It supports us when we need it and it brings us up when we are down. It is always finding ways to make us better people and live better lives. Love is something everyone needs.

Image result for love will find a way lion king

Life is short.

Never stop because life will be over before you know it. You have one life to get things down and one life to really show people who you are. How you life this short life is up to you but know it isn’t forever. It isn’t going to wait for you, you got to take action now!

pictures:

Why Multi-Tasking Is Overrated

https://www.bicycling.com/training/strength-training/why-lifting-weights-as-you-age-cuts-your-risk-of-early-death-by-4

https://www.thestar.com/sports/hockey/2017/03/01/young-brampton-goalie-dancing-in-viral-video-unfazed-by-sudden-fame-mother-says.html

crecimiento personal SD

A Couple to Root For – Kiara & Kovu from The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride

Category: Chantelle | 4 Comments

November 6

Embarrassing Moment… -.-’

Photo Credit: wotthe7734 via Compfight

I don’t know about the most embarrassing moment though I’m mostly shameless when I do certain things. It usually ends up with a perfectly good scolding from someone when something like this happens………

There was this one, maybe couple of times, when I accidentally barged into one of the bathrooms at home when they are occupied by someone. This was one of the times……

“Finally I’m finished!” I exclaimed as I ran out of my grandfather’s office when I just passed his weekly mini Chinese test. I hopped on to the bed in the next room with my phone in my hands, rolled on to my back and opened a game app. After a while, this unbearable feeling begins to creep up as I continue to play on my phone. I managed to ignore it for a little bit after the first hit. When it came again, I tried to hold it down but I unsuccessfully did it this time. I blindly rushed to the closest bathroom though it was locked as soon as I turned the knob. Then I hastily rushed to the second closest bathroom on the floor, which was in my grandparent’s room, while I narrowly avoided my grandmother on the way there. I hurried around the corner, passed the fish tank and darted into the bedroom as if I’m fire. As I reach for the door, I unknowingly didn’t notice the faint light that borders between the door and the frame. I then desperately swing the door open when I noticed that it wasn’t locked. After that, I froze up, panicked and saw the most unpleasant sight right in front of my eyes like the jump scares during the game over from 5 Nights at Freddy’s. It took a few moments of awkwardness and shock before I realized what I just did; I walked into the bathroom with one of my relatives in the middle of their very private moment.

Worst of all, it was someone of the opposite gender which added on the level of awkwardness and embarrassment for me. I quickly closed the door and walked away as fast as I could from the scene of the incident as I discarded the idea of going to the bathroom at all. I entered my room and flopped on to my bed to try and figure out what went wrong during the whole incident and forget what I have saw during that very moment like when Tamaki is in his dark corner cultivating mushrooms gloomily after another rejection from his friend. It felt like time was against me during this entire ordeal from the beginning to the end. As I continue to contemplate on what happened, I didn’t realize it at the time but most of us are known to only close the door to the bathroom but not lock it properly as we rarely have any guests visiting our home. I anticipated about the next couple of hours, while hoping for the best despite the incident, but I decided to avoid the person as much as possible though it near impossible to do so in this household and resume to playing on my phone to clear my mind for the next couple of hours as damage control for my mentally scarred mind. After having my time alone, I eventually returned to my usual place in the other bedroom and apologized to the person on my way there.

As I thought back to this and two similar tragedies that happened just after a month after the previous, I was trying to be more cautious than the last but I also realized that nobody in my family, including myself, have really learned their lesson from the events as most of us can truly pass it off as if nothing has really happened and it was magically erased from the reality.

Category: Sammi, Uncategorized | LEAVE A COMMENT

October 6

You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect night!!

Day 148

Dear Diary, they’ve given up hope on returning me to earth. How could I have been so stupid to believe that everything was going to be okay and that they would save me. To make matters worse, the starvation is beginning to get to me, I don’t know how much longer I could have left to live. I’m beginning to go mad with the confined space around me, with no voices but my own and the ones inside my head… How is one supposed to live in their final moments knowing they’re going to die and not be driven mad by the though of it, guess I will find out soon…

Day 149.

Dear Diary, I’ve come to the realization that death is unavoidable in my circumstances and sitting here in space with only my thoughts is making me go crazy in everyway. How do I cope? How do I get out of here? Help me…

Day 150.

Dear Diary, you’re so smart! Write a story to drive away my negative thoughts. Hahaha I’m not crazy, no. I know today’s going to be different. I could, I could write a story, you know to clear my mind, like you said.

“The stars are out and I can’t stop myself from smiling, I stare up at them every night before falling asleep. But this night, this night is different from all the rest. Tonight wasn’t like ordinary nights; many would say it could have been the perfect night. I was a million miles away from home, had not a care in the world and no one by my side, just me, myself and I. It was perfect on account that all I had done that day was lay in my bed with the air blowing against my face keeping me cool and calm. My arms were resting behind my head keeping it propped up just enough for me to be able to see out the window. I could have stayed laying there looking out upon those stars for hours, if not days. The beauty that each star had sparkled against the moonlight. The stars now a days were the only thing that kept me smiling. Being alone all the time got me down sometimes, but that is what I enjoy, being by myself with my thoughts and the stars. It gives me time to relax and to find out who and what I truly am. Peace and quiet, with the only reason for spoken words was to the stars, but even then the stars leave me speechless and breathless with all their beauty. That is what my perfect night is all about, being with the one thing that makes me smile and enjoying the beauty of the world; the stars, but then aliens attack me!

Haha see Diary those words. Yeah I knew you knew where they came from, that book I read. I just made the ending better than they ever could! I’m not crazy! Haha just smarter than these authors could ever be! I-. I wrote the perfect ending see! Aren’t you proud of me Diary?

Diary?

Diary, are you there?

Where’d you go?

Day 151.

Dear Diary, Hahaha I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy. I’M NOT CRAZY.

I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANY MORE THE WALLS, THEY’RE CLOSING IN ON ME. Diary? Am… I crazy?

Day 152.

Dear Diary, the voices say I can’t be your friend anymore… They say you’re no good for me and that you’re the one that’s crazy… Are they right, Diary? Is this true? Diary, we can’t be friends any more… Those voices, they said they were going to kill me if I talked to you anymore… I guess this is goodbye Diary… Will you be okay with out me here to talk to you each day?

Diary I know you’re upset just please say something so this isn’t harder than it has to be.

DIARY! TALK TO ME! I NEED YOU.

I guess that’s just it then. You’re done speaking to me? THEN I’M DONE TOO!

Goodbye Diary… forever.

Category: Jordanne, Sept 2014, Uncategorized | LEAVE A COMMENT

December 4

Wild Winds

It was the warm summer of 1796 and my dreams of sailing the mighty British vessel was at its height. I long waited to join the British navy just for the sole purpose of exploring the mighty seas that I heard so much about. As a 17 year old peasant boy, it wasn’t easy enrolling in the navy but after a long wait I was informed to join a vessel that was to approach the harbour in a week or so. This was the longest week in my life but as the days rolled by the rumors of this vessel barged in. This so called vessel was to protect the trade route from England to Jamaica from the ruthless pirates, I guess they were unsuccessful. A dozen ships were destroyed and hundreds were slaughtered by the blades of these pirates. I heard of these pirates; they were simply devils in human forms. “Plunder, take and kill” was their motto. Nevertheless I wasn’t intimidated, my morale was high and I was ready for anything.

I finally spotted the vessel and I dashed towards the harbour but what I saw was horrific: decks filled with blood and body parts, the men were covered the scars and some missing arms and the other legs. I was petrified, I could not hold another sight of this massacre, maybe I wasn’t cut out for such a job. My mind wished to retreat but my heart screamed “ONWARDS!”. It took another week for them to recruit new men and repair these ships and proudly enough I was one of these new recruits. However I was given the job of mopping the lower deck, away from all the excitement. I at least imagined I would get to fire a cannon but that was far beyond my status. The mighty British vessel finally left the harbour to protect the trade route.

Months rolled by and we didn’t spot any pirates, I was simply blessed and to top it all off we were informed of a higher pay once we completed our 5 months guarding this route. I was tired of this job but money was my only motivation from this point on. I was prohibited to stay on the top deck for more than a minute, the men were awfully vulgar to me but I guess that was the life of a peasant. However when the sun set, I was able to sneak to the top and watch the waves clash to the sides of our ship. The wild winds would clash against my face and before you knew it I was in love with the sea.

One morning I heard the sounds of canon roaring on the top deck, we were in a gruesome battle. Canon balls were raging on opposite ends, destroying every little object in their site, including men. The men handed me a sword and the captain yelled “Defensive Positions”. The pirates made their way across to our ship by ropes, what followed next was severe bloodshed. This was no place for a boy like me, I threw away the sword and jumped off the ship. I swam my way to freedom and away from the horrifying acts on the boat.

Maybe one day I would have the courage to face pirates but not today.

I was a coward.

Category: Seemab, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

September 30

My love-the monster

I am walking down to the river in my white sweatpants and a grey oversize pullover, with my long, straight, black hair blowing in my face. I am sitting watching the sun rise higher into the sky; the sky that is baby blue, with clouds still sleeping, covering the sun but leaving gaps for it to shine its orange rays and make its reflection. The air is cold as if it were winter season, though it is only the beginning of fall. I get up and start walking down the river. I hear soft sounds so I turn, it was just a rabbit. I continue walking through the shaved grass, listening to the birds waking up their little ones, leaves rustling and the wind still blowing its cold air, but slowly. I find a comfortable spot and sit. Peace is what I feel and calm is how my body feels. I hear footsteps but I don’t turn because they sound familiar. He holds my shoulders and sits beside me with his arm still around my shoulder. Its quiet so all you can hear is the rapid, soft flow of the river but the harmonious sound of the water when it hits the banks. We talk and laugh, and blend our voices with the voices of nature. I don’t want this to end. I get up and tie my hair into a loose ponytail, then walk over to the banks and dip my feet into the freezing cold water, almost numbing my toes. I close my eyes and picture me floating away in the river. Chills run up my spine. All together in unison, the birds stop chirping and the rabbits disappeared. The wind stopped blowing but it needlessly got colder. I took that as an indication or warning, as if to say that there is something bad with the water, yet it felt too good.

“Tell me what you felt and heard was happening when you shut your eyes in the river.”

“I felt as if I was floating into the river and I got the chills. But I heard something from him-like he moved something or took something out of his pocket, then I heard a click, but I can’t make out what it was.”

“How do you know he took something out of his pocket?”

“I heard his keys.”

“Then what happened?”

“Then when I opened my eyes I looked at him. I stared into his eyes and told him to come into the water, but he refused. His face looked distraught so I asked if everything was okay. Then he just stared and said of course, I love you that’s all. And then I put my sneakers back on and then he said, lets go for a walk. I felt uncomfortable because he was acting strange but I agreed because he’s always away and I wanted to spend this time with him. He got up and walked into the river and I asked what he was doing and he just said i’m going for a walk.

(sobbing)

I wasn’t in the right mind to process what was happening; I guess I was too mesmerized by the fact that I was actually spending time with him.”

(crying)

“It’s okay, you’re safe now. Keep your eyes closed. What happened next?’

“Then he sat on the rock beside me and put his arm around me. We sat there quietly and then his wrap tightened. His fingers bruised into my shoulders and I was screaming, telling him to let go. He wouldn’t. I was crying and wasn’t thinking right. I reached for the rock beside me on my left and jammed it onto his knee. He yelped so he let go, so I ran but he tripped me and I hit my head on the rocks. My eyebrows dried up with dry blood and the color of the blue water became red.

(Crying)

I was screaming for help but no one was there. I assume the gun was the click I heard because he put that on my head. I couldn’t see very clearly because my head was in the water and it was flowing into my eyes and ears and he was holding my neck and choking me; I was overcome with fear and adrenaline. Again I reached for a rock, but I was in too much pain.”

“What was he saying to you?”

“He was just cursing me and said that if I can’t be his, I can’t be anyone else’s. He was holding the gun right on my forehead and I said, I love you and I won’t tell anyone, it’ll be our little secret. He put me up and said, how stupid do you think I am. I was just crying hysterically. I didn’t know what to do, I thought I was going to die.”

“Why did he say that? What did he mean?”

“A few months back before I knew him, he was part of some gang and he was the head distributor of some kind of illegal substance. One day I went out for dinner with my girlfriends at a bar, they had a wing special, so we thought it would be nice to get out and enjoy ourselves. He was there with his friends and he came to me and we started talking. I thought he was drunk because we were at a bar so I never expected anything to happen between us, but eventually after a few dates we became a thing. And at this point we had known each other for one month and I still didn’t know he was a member of a wanted gang. Later when I went to his house to pick him up for a dinner we were invited to, I saw on the news that he was wanted for first degree murder and the distributing of illegal substances. I freaked out and reached for the phone but he stopped me. I was panicking and then he took out a gun and said that if I tell anyone especially the police he will kill me just like he did to the other victim. And since then I’ve kept quiet. A few weeks passed and I was in town alone. He had left to go do “business” in another city. I went to my classes and started to hangout with another male. We were to go to a friends birthday dinner together but he couldn’t make it so he left me a voice mail explaining why. When he came back into town he stopped at my apartment without informing me and heard the voice mail. From then I guess he got scared that I would tell someone and that’s why he pulled the gun at me at the river.”

“You’re in a better place now. You have friends and family here you can lean on. Whenever you are ready you may continue, but keep your eyes closed.”

(blowing nose)

“Then he says I am not going to go to jail because of you. I’ve done this several times before and I will not get caught because of you, therefore, you must go and then I can go and check more things off my checklist. I remember cursing at him and calling him a sick, twisted freak. He shut his eyes and put my face back into the water and then pulled the trigger. The bullet went into my stomach and I remember I just floated away like a starfish. For the next five or so minutes, I have no idea what happened but then my sweater hooked onto something and I carefully pulled myself onto the grass. I took my sweater off and wrapped it around my wound tightly but gently. I didn’t know where he went and I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted the freak locked up. I was walking for ten minutes now and I saw his jacket on the ground; I knew he was nearby. I scanned the area and saw him cleaning off my blood from his white shirt. Idiot, I thought to myself, the blood stain wont come off. I grabbed a rock and crept up behind him as quietly as possible. At this moment I didn’t care what would happen to me, as far as this monster was dead. As soon as I thought I had a good aim, I hit him with all my power on his head with the rock.