I clenched it a bit harder. I pulled it closer to my heart as tear dropped from my cheek to the ground. I held the frame with the picture of me and my late grandmother in my hand, something that I had cherished for three years of learning to live without her. I pulled it back where I could look at it in full view, I remember us talking, laughing, and crying together. I remember like it was yesterday, when I heard about this heart-breaking news, that my grandmother didn’t make it, and it was then, when I realized to cherish your moments with your loved ones, because those times will not return.

I slowly crept up the stairs to investigate what was going on, my feet trembling against the cold hardwood floor and my hands shaking with fright. I wondered why my poor mother was crying at this time of day; although, it was not that odd for her to get a little emotional from time to time, I sensed something was wrong. I held the wooden rail to support my weight and made an attempt to further lift myself up the stairs and face the scene.

I finally reached my destination and found my mother shedding tears in a way that was unfamiliar to me, her face red, mucus rushing down her nose, and drenched eyes. I sat across from her on the black-leather couches, which were quite chilly because of the cold winter day. I watched her speak to someone on the phone, as I felt a bit more trapped as the time flied. I waited.

After a few dreadful moments, my mother came to me and held me in a behavior I have never felt before, filled with love and grief and the same time. I felt suffocated as the cold blood from my body rushed through my veins and pierced my heart; I internally begged her to speak. Finally, my mother grasped enough courage from the air and spoke something that I won’t ever forget my entire life, “Grandma has passed away.”

I sat, still in shock, trying to comprehend what I just heard. After a few moments, I wailed at the top of my lungs, my head spinning around, my eyes filled with liquid, and my heart raced, like a train going faster and faster. Water dripped from my eyes, to my cheeks, to my face, and my shirt filled with mucus and tears. All the memories filled my head: the walks we took, the stories we shared, the meal we shared, and the love for each other we possessed. I was shocked. I felt betrayed. I yelled at myself for never doing anything for her, even though she did everything for me. Despite her old age, she raised, fed, and took care of me, gave me more love than my parents. I knew right away that I would never find that love somewhere else; furthermore, I did not know what to do with my life anymore. I knew that I had forgotten how to live.

After a couple of hours, I finally took control of my emotions and walked over to my room, where I found myself in memory lane. I thought about the moments in life we had, and everything came crashing at once. I regained control of myself and missed my dear grandmother, I wondered if it was the doctor’s fault, maybe it was my family’s fault, maybe it was her fault. She was fine a couple of days ago when I talked to her on the phone, what had happened that this unfortunate incident took place. Despite all this, I knew she was in a better place now, a place where there is no sadness, and no pain.

After almost three years, I look back and remember this unfortunate day. I put the frame back where it belonged, on my night table, to remind myself that she is still in existence and right by my side. Even though I miss and still love her with all my hearts, I have learned to live without her even though it is not the same. That was my first time I dealt with the death of someone so dear to me, and now I have realized to cherish these moments and do anything you can for your loved ones, because you will not get a second chance.