November 2

A Flash From The Past

Jaffar Kadry

Creative

 

A Flash From The Past

    “ Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.” That was the treacherous sound that I had to wake up to everyday for the past three days and the next four, on my vacation tour of the Philippines. And the following motion of my left arm swinging furiously over my body and slamming onto the alarm clock was what ended it. It was 7:45, the normal time I woke up to get ready, before the buses would leave the hotel at 8:30 for the tour that day. Everyday was different, and we didn’t know what would happen because whenever someone asked the tour guide what the plan was for the day, he would just say, in his Philipino-English accent, “I surprise you.” 

 

    So after a long two hour bus ride we finally came to a stop in a huge mud puddle and were forced to walk through it, or stay on the bus for the rest of the day. I, luckily, was one of the smart ones in the group and wore rubber boots that were also  good for hiking, which was what we were doing that day. As I stepped off the last step, on the bus, I plowed through the mud with not a care in the world. And without even waiting for anybody the tour guide was off, and began the hike. While everyone was in their perky, disgusted moods, trying to get through the mud, I ran after him and followed him up the trail. Like what did you expect, it’s a hike and people were wearing brand new white shoes and expensive Gucci flip flops. I didn’t care much about the people in my group, they were the rich type who drank the most expensive wine and went to exotic places for their vacations, so I just continued on up the hill and followed the guide. 

 

    As time past, we began to lose one member at a time. They just stopped and fell like someone was shooting them down from the top of the hill. And they kept being shot down until we made it to the edge of a cliff, above a river,  just me and the tour guide. I looked around, not surprised at all that it was just us. I could tell from the moment I met them that they weren’t cut out for this tour. After pretending to be in shock, I turned my head ever so slightly. Everything felt like it was in slow motion. Until, my eyes locked onto three children, two boys and a girl with backpacks, floating down the river. And my heart sank. Not knowing what to think or feel, I asked the tour guide what was going on. And he told me they are on their way to school. Immediately my thoughts flashed back to my late high school years when I was driving to school. Guilt flowed through me like the walls of a dam collapsing down and the water rush through with nothing to stop it.

 

    I remembered how I would drive to school every Friday, and I would only take my father ́s newer, better looking truck, then my mom’s older SUV. and if I was forced to take the SUV, I would become angry at my mom and yell at her because I didn’t want to drive an old car and look bad in front of my peers. These poor children, all three of them crammed together on one floaty, hoping that one of them doesn’t fall, causing the rest to follow. And I was a spoiled teenager complaining that I couldn’t take the car I wanted. All these materialistic views have caused me and many others to become blind to the struggles and problems that others face in their day-to-day lives. I was so ungrateful for even having the chance to drive, let alone getting to school and back safely, that I would disrespect my mother because I didn’t want to drive her car. I stood on the edge of the cliff, filled with regret for all the times I was not grateful for the chances I got and the things I had, the people I was with and the moments we shared. The toll that materialism has on an individual’s mind is unimaginable. People will shut out everything in their lives just to attain a high social status. And when that is all over, and they have everything they’ve ever wanted, all the true things that they need are not there. After contemplating my past experiences, I lowered my gaze, turned around and walked away. And after that moment I made a pact with myself that I wouldn’t take anything for granted anymore. 

 

    On our way back to the hotel I sat beside the window and gazed through it. Seeing all these beautiful trees and plants, and children walking barefoot with ripped clothes holding food and water. I knew that this was what I would see, but I didn’t know the toll it would have on me after seeing it in person. 

 

    The last four days of my trip went by dramatically fast. I had cancelled the rest of my trip and instead went to a nearby village and helped them with whatever they needed. Everyone was poor and sick. They didn’t have any clothes or freshwater. And through all the hardships they had one important thing: unity. They were all together and happy, even through the poverty and struggle. They didn’t mind living were they were, as long as they had their family with them. And after that trip my whole world changed. As soon as I got back home to Edmonton, I began volunteering at shelters and food banks. And most importantly, I never took my mother or family for granted ever again, and cherished every moment we shared and will share together. 

     

January 13

Lit Exploration- Holding onto Hope

Family. Love. Expectations. All of these factors that complex the idea of false hope a individual looks for. Hope is a human quality in which it gives an individual a sense of reassurance for the unexpected. This assists an individual to have potential in reaching specific desires and aspirations. In the memoir, “The Glass Castle”, Jeannette Walls, the narrates her childhood as she grew up in poverty with her dysfunctional and unique family, as she tries to hold her family together in hope that the future holds something better for them. “The Glass Castle” illustrates the idea as an individual holds onto false hope for a specific desire, results in the realization of the unrealistic expectations one accounted for which results in one changing themselves in order for a better lifestyle. This is evident with Jeannette, who holds onto the false hope with her father with his alcoholism, with her mother- who is portrayed as selfish, lazy, artistic, and lastly the hope she has within herself- to make a living and better lifestyle for herself by taking specific actions which are not stereotypically acceptable.

 

The concept of hope is constantly evolving due to the multiple factors in an individual’s life. In Jeannette’s life, one of the factors were her father, Rex Walls. He is represented as a loving, adventurous, caring, father. But also as an aggressive, mean, violent, alcoholic. Throughout her childhood, Jeannette and her family have been moving place to place due to the illegal work and debt Rex avoids to face; also known as the ‘skedaddle’. This resulted in disappointment from Jeannette, however, whenever the family would have to ‘skedaddle’, Rex would mention the ‘Glass Castle’ a vision that Rex would visualize for his children, as in a way for them to expect a big, expensive, luxurious house, and the false hope, resulting in broken promises, that the children will have have. This is also evident when Jeannette asks for her father to stop drinking for her birthday present, affordable but realistic. However, this gift did not last for long as her father used alcohol to avoid his responsibilities and expectations- resulting in Jeannette left with the hope she had in her father.

Another factor in Jeannette Walls life was her mother, Rose-Mary. Rose-Mary was an artist who tried to find a way to make a living and provide for her family with her artistic skills- with the knowledge that she has a teaching degree. She took actions based on self desires, not what was best for her children and a way to support her family. This is evident when the family social services arrived at their home questioning Jeannette about the current lifestyle she was living in. This questioning caused Jeannette to tell her mother to get a job in case the social services come again. Eventually Mary did receive a teaching position. This gave Jeannette hope, in a way that there was hope that their family’s lifestyle was going to change.But resulted in Rose Mary taking no initiative for her responsibilities as a teacher. Rose Mary is illustrated as an individual who does not expect anyone else to have high expectations from her- evident when Rose-Mary blames her children whenever their family is going through debt or a ‘skedaddle’ and informs that her life would be better without them.

 

The idea of constant false hope that an individual experiences results in one finally taking actions for themselves, instead of the dependency on other individuals. This is evident with Jeannette Walls, who has experienced the false hope that her parents displayed and begins to take actions that will benefit her in the future significantly instead of constantly waiting for others to do it for her, as in her parents. When Jeannette realizes that her father is constantly still going to be drinking and avoiding his responsibilities and her mother is not going to take action to provide the basic essentials for her children. Jeannette takes action by saving up money and moving to New York with her sister. This resulted in with Jeannette living in a perfect home while working in a business. This illustrates how Jeannette took the rejection of the hope she had and took the initiative to for those aspirations to actually occur- instead of her constantly waiting for her father to sober up and her mother to take action to benefit her family, not just herself. Hope gives an individual a fear of rejection but essentially results in one acting against in that they will not have to face that rejection again but instead take actions that will benefit themselves.

 

Hope is the feeling of expectation and desire for a specific event to occur. This is evident with Jeannette Walls as she wanted to see her father sobered and fulfill his promises to his children- which he never did, for her mother to realize to that she needs to provide for her children instead of blaming others for the responsibilities that come upon her. But eventually Jeannette took that feeling of false hope and desires and used hope to benefit herself in living in a safe and healthier environment and to receive the basic needs as a human. The quality of hope promotely shapes and changes an individual’s identity in a way that it benefits one.

January 10

The Forgiving Heart (Free Choice)

My poem was inspired by one of the themes form P. K. Page’s poem called “Sisters”. When l read the poem my mind thought about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not only about forgiving other individuals, it could be also about letting go of the burden you carry within yourself. Normally when l hear the word ‘forgive”, l think about forgiving myself because they are other times in life where l have blamed myself for someone’s death or actions because l felt that l had let them down. Life is full of ups and downs but sometimes we learn to let go, let go of the pain or burdens. It teaches us that everything in life happens for a reasons, God know what he is doing. Letting go of grudges and bitterness. When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. … These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger and bitterness — even vengeance. To be able to forgive we have to learn to accept the situation, without acceptance no one can ever move forward.


Forgive is to forget right.
Then why does it hurt?
Then why does my throat clench up and my eyes start to water?
If forgive is to forget, shouldn’t l be smiling.
Is something a matter with me?

NO!

Forgive is not to forget.
Forgive is to move forward.
Forgive is to accept
To accept that the past is real and it will always be there.
To accept that the pain will dull, but never fully go away.
To accept that everything that happens to you is a lesson.
To forgive is to show how much you’ve grown.
To understand that we are all humans and humans make mistakes.
To forgive and accept that you finally understand the lessons you were taught.

Forgiveness is both easy and hard.
it hurts and pleases the heart.
It lets you know that the pain is there, despite how much stronger you have grown.

The fear and dread you feel when you have those words.
The conflict you feel as you question whether you should forgive or hold on.

Past hatred and pain comes back and whisper in you ear.
You may want to stay bitter and regret the apology that’s been given to you.
However, to do that is to refuse to grow.
Forgiveness is the hardest thing human can do,
But sometimes in the end it’s worth it and helps you move even further in life.

September 13

Life Philosophies

 

Don’t Live In the Past

There is a big difference between thinking of the past and living in it.I chose this as one of my philosophies because some people are put into a situation that they can’t handle, they think that they can just move on and in some cases they can but in others they can’t and it is like a grudge that is holding them back and by reliving those moments they can bring back feelings of guilt, contrite, delight and so on. Depending on an individuals situation they might be living in the past because they are afraid of what is yet to come, or they don’t feel ready to move on. But, what people fail to remember are the opportunities that are offered and forgotten because of our reminiscing of the past.

 

If Everyone was Perfect, There Would Be No Room For Improvement

People can spend so much time worrying about their image, reputation, outfit of the day, their Instagram or Snapchat. Whatever it is, why do so many people try so hard to ascertain or excel for perfection when in reality they don’t need to. When it comes to perfection all it really is, is a disease. We are known for making mistakes, for being improper sometimes, and having flaws. It is because of those characteristics that they make each and every individual unique and one of a kind.

 

Have Fun, Not Everything Has to be taken so Seriously

In life, I think that people often forget how to have fun because we are always growing up too fast. I think that people are so wrapped up into their lives and thinking way too much about the future, and forget that they really need to live a little to enjoy the opportunities that are yet to come. I remember one time my cousin, my brother, and myself decided to go to an arcade place. We had so much fun that we ended up staying there for a few hours. Later in the day we went to a baseball field and decided to play a couple rounds with a few of my cousin’s guy friends. At first it was really funny how the guys started teasing me, but then it got really annoying. My dad always liked to show me how to plays sports, or games that made you think. Anyways back to the story, I loved playing and man did I beat those boys, it was only then that we all realized that it was super late. When we got home we were scolded for not calling our parents and not coming back home on time. But, the beauty of all that was, that no matter how mad my dad was he still found it funny that I beat all the boys at baseball.

 

When Life Gives You Lemons Make Some Lemonade

Everyone has those days were something has gone so wrong that it has ruined your perfect happy day. But that is just life my friends not everything is going to fall into your hands as if it was perfect, I think when we have issues like this we have to learn that this is the only way that can motivate us to move forward otherwise we will always be stuck in the same spot no matter how much you try to avoid the inevitable.

 

Your First School Was Your Home

Every lesson learned was at home. When you were a kid your mama or papa probably scolded you for something that you did wrong or said good job for doing something right. At some point, there is always a lesson taught at the end of the day at home. Whether it was helping your parents clean the house or for hitting a sibling. We are taught something from our parents or guardians.