How have I struggled to come to terms with my sense of identity?

Identity.

It shapes our values and beliefs.

It’s what we represent.

It’s the qualities and characteristics that make us unique.

It defines who we are.

My identity is composed of so many different elements in my life that are concrete. Yet, I still can not say that my true identity is set in stone. As my life goes on and I explore more of myself, my interests and relationships with people, I find that it’s always ever evolving. It’s hard for me to say what I am to become in the future, even if I am open- minded, and diligent in wanting to  achieve my full potential. It’s the confusion, fear, and the what if- moments that hold me back from establishing who I really am.

I think my sense of identity is most challenged by the standards set from the people who I choose to surround myself with. When I come into contact with these expectations, it makes me confused, indecisive, and just anxious. It makes it difficult to step back and say that’s not what I want. Everyone wants to give me title, a label or a definition of who they think I am, which is what makes its hard to combat this pressure to say what I really feel is me.

For most of my childhood up to as recent as grade ten, my parents have always wanted me to become a doctor. They would always tell me that, that profession is what I was always meant to be since I was young. So, for the longest time ever, I believed them and instilled that thought as I kept moving forward in my education. But coming up in to this high school, and interacting with new people who were there to tell me my options and that I was capable of achieving what I felt like I wanted to pursue and not what I’m supposed to be, helped guide me to seek beyond what I had considered my truth all these years.  As I am a very hesitant- natured person, it was challenging to embrace what I felt was my truth and for it to be accepted, because even though in the end, the final decision is mine, my family’s opinion will still and always influence me and the directions I take in life.

Finding myself is one struggle, but actually having to encounter and combat life- changing decisions, is the toughest part. The brick walls that I encounter are all pinpoints of my journey to discover my self- worth. And it will forever be ongoing until I know who I truly am.